just taking it slow for the rest of the day

I push myself until i break. I seriously felt tired after the busy morning and mentally fragile- like I really needed to rest. My impulse is to push myself to do the more work needed. That my well being is not paramount or at play and there’s shame in needing rest. So i volunteered to process Thursday’ grocery haul for the monastery and then as I made my way down to the cafeteria i mentally broke. I don't know how to describe it - but it's like all sense of awareness left the building - just a flat different person - and my body

went all tingling and slow. I then mustered to the others down there the request to rest and the sister said ‘no problem at all.’ I’ve been in my room since, just vapid and trying to rest. It really sucks - I had some snacks and I'm drinking tea. I'm in my room for the night. Rich is inspiring me to get out there and jumpstart my job search.