just starting the day
This time off, vacation week, has been good. I have had some ups and downs but I have learned some too!
Last night I was at a good place, and then when I first woke up this morning I was as well - but then my mind
undermined me in a big way - opened me up and left me vulnerable. I planned to go to get coffee at the bakery
and I went just putting all my nervousness and worry about the contact with others aside. I am back home now
and next stop is the grocery store. I'll buy a week's worth of groceries. I called my therapist just to leave a message.
I see her tomorrow. My parents asked me over to dinner at their place tonight - which I am excited about.
I will try and make plans - I do need to make an appointment for bloodwork at the doctor's office.
Other than that it's kind of hard to make plans since my mind and disposition change so radically from these
moments my mind undermines me and rips me out of the present moment.
Replies
It sounds like you're making some good plans Mark..... The week goes by toooooo fast doesn't it.... I hope you have a great time with your folks.... big hug.....xo
thanks Jan!!!! xxxxx
I find myself wanting to recommend a particular daily meditation reader to add to your morning ritual. "Meditations For People Who Worry" by Anne Wilson Schaff. Daily meditation readers are one of my longest running therapy tools for quieting, or at least organizing my chaotic, intrusive thoughts. I have a revolving collection of meditation readers which are kept revolving through trades with fellow collectors. Reading from two different readers has become such a rigid part of my wake-up ritual that I am beginning to wonder if yet another good remedy has wound itself into a new addiction. I'll save that speculation for a different thread.
For now, a brain fart said I should recommend this particular reader to you. It is one of my current morning two and it frequently amazes me how often your journal entries resonate with her readings.
And again I hope to shift the focus from the stumble to celebrate the fact that you survived another one. Healing hopes.
thanks arfie! So much appreciated! I'll check her out - but in all candor I find reading books about illness and self help to
be really triggering. I just can't see to get past the fear of it for some reason.
Other than that, got out the door and did my shopping. Back home now and soon another walk or maybe to the shopping center. Maybe to a movie. God'll be my wing-man hehe. I am grateful.
I just checked it out! It seems interesting! I can read this!
I'm with you on the self-help and psych textbook section of the library. Even listening to people talk about them gets me psychopating like the beaten crazy bitch wolf I am. Arfity arf arf arf. . . Gr-r-r-r. . .
Meditation readers are not even close to the same genre. They are collections of thoughts, reflections and/or meditations, typically single pages, dated for one reflection for every day of the year. Some of them stick to a single theme, others are more eclectic. Starting my day with a high fiber chew really does help me calm my anxiety symptoms. I think it gives my neural pathways more constructive directions to go than worrying about how defective I am in this cold and heartless world.
thanks arfie! i will give it a shot! :-)