just some words that are helping me put my nighttime anxiety to bed.

today was a good day. I encountered some anxiety when I came home

from work. My vision for what to do with myself was waylaid and distracted

by the fear of not doing the right thing or even a kind of FOMO if I chose

to do one thing , that it then left the other thing for me with a sense of loss.

I realized I needed to have a little fantasy about my pursuits. The fantasy served to just to cut

the sense of pressure or seriousness about the real significance about 

entertaining myself during what was after all 'just my free time after work.' My indulgence in a little 

fantasy developed into a little creative project and I became very motivated

to do it..it was good! :) 

Later on this afternoon, I helped my Dad with his storage unit - and it was nice to see

Dad and I felt like it was just a good normal time to spend together - a brief but

nice moment.

Now, after the day is done, I am lying in bed, having taken my meds and the worries

about the day are circling my head..lovely anxiety as it is.....I didn't know what to pray

for, until finally I concluded on "Dear Lord, please help me manage my energies, my anxiety

etc.. to help me build a life that is viable..."

Writing all this now is really like exposing a wound but at the same time I have to tell you guys

that this last prayer really helped me give myself a sense of context and appreciation 

for my life..

So often I exist in such splinters and fragments of thought that just wishing

now to have a viable life, couched my vision for myself in my life - calmed and soothed and

appreciating my life really helped. I wanted to jump on here and write a journal and now I'll go to sleep.

I hope you guys can appreciate your lives as well.  We touch each other here in really 

powerful important ways! You are all so appreciated!!!!! Keep on keeping on! :)