just some journal notes from me

Living where I live and working at my job are forcing me to new health and growth -


I mean, I know we're dealing with chronic things here but I feel as though I am starting to have enough experience and 'teaching


moments' to start and deal with acceptance of my life and also with starting to take an interest in other people for 'in person'


friendships again - and that's a good sign to me. 


Living at this house can be hellish. 6 people with mental illness all being unstable doesn't promote a lot of peace or health, we're all


grasping for it, and it can drag me into a kind of "Ground Hog" day of experience.


From what I experienced 'out there' today, at work, and then coming back home at the house, my thoughts floated towards getting


on with relationships.


Having no other choice, my station in life is forcing me to 'get on' with social relationships


when they don't feel good, or are really as I'd like them to be  -


- or in other words how I'd like my life to be... sounds so selfish right??


I realized today at work, with how much of a 'maylay of people' interacting it can seem, that I am an individual and that as a mass of


individuals at work, we're all have our own outlooks, you can't always get along. I believed in myself enough and kind of 'got what I


was projecting.'


I guess I had a kind of 'big child' outlook, with a 'one vision' kind of thing. As I started to see this 


within, I started to be in touch with what I really wanted and I just seemed to have a better more realistic mental frame work for


considering my work and my relationships there. I enjoyed work today and talking to my boss. This is totally new. I also am starting


to know who I naturally gravitate towards there - and I can get along with some - but there are those who I'd really like to be around . :)


I am here at the house now. The transition towards being with the folks from work - to here also showed me much along the same


lines of what I thought about at work. I need to just 'get along with people' here - and even though there is a lot of weird, unstable


issues, including my own. I just need to keep going regardless and put that bad vibe into a healthy set of horse blinders.


So, those are the notes for today.

Replies

beckyp
beckyp

It must be difficult living with so people with mental illness. I think it's great that you are thinking you are ready for RL friends.
malibumark
malibumark

thanks Becky!