Just reflecting.
This entry is more of record of some reflecting I've done recently. Just in case I need to look back at this if I need help putting any of it into words later (such as if I'm talking to therapist about it).
Even after a bunch of practicing casual conversations with women at work (trying overcome my fear of starting conversations with women) I find I still have some fears. However, after examining those fears I see that my discomfort is less about casually talking to woman than it is about talking to them one-on-one.
When I start a conversation with a group of women I now feel less afraid than I used to. But when trying to start a casual one-on-one conversation with a woman I feel very uncomfortable.
Reflecting on this, I see the discomfort as coming from fear of being seen as a "creeper". I'm terrified that if I try starting a one-on-one conversation with a woman she might see me as trying to make an unwelcome advance or as "creeping" on her (despite me knowing this is an irrational fear).
Oddly enough I don't feel this fear much at all when I try to start casual conversations with groups of women. I suspect this could be due to not focusing all of my attention on any particular woman during the conversation, so it doesn't feel as likely that any of them would percieve me as creeping on them.
Another thing I've noticed regarding how I feel about talking to women is that I feel slightly more confortable if I know or have very strong reason to suspect (marriage/engagement ring on their finger for example). I realize this doesn't make much sense logically, but part of me feels like if it is known that a woman is in a committed relationship already it won't feel like I'm creeping or making any advances on her by engaging in casual conversation with her. (Again, I know that reasoning doesn't really make much logical sense. It's just how my fears make me feel.)
I know some people hearing that might suggest just asking women if they are single or in a relationship when I first meet them in order to put mu mind morecat ease. However, I probably don't need to explain just how awkward doing that would make things.
It might also make me sound like some kind of sexist who views women as property if I went around asking women about that and then try to explain my actions by telling them I would feel more comfortable talking to them if they are married or dating someone already.
(I can think of two scientific terms off the top of my head that could apply to that behavior and neither of them has good implications. One is self fulfilling prophecy; the other is reaction formation.)
I just feel so awkward and embarrassed about these fears of mine regarding talking to women.
Even after a bunch of practicing casual conversations with women at work (trying overcome my fear of starting conversations with women) I find I still have some fears. However, after examining those fears I see that my discomfort is less about casually talking to woman than it is about talking to them one-on-one.
When I start a conversation with a group of women I now feel less afraid than I used to. But when trying to start a casual one-on-one conversation with a woman I feel very uncomfortable.
Reflecting on this, I see the discomfort as coming from fear of being seen as a "creeper". I'm terrified that if I try starting a one-on-one conversation with a woman she might see me as trying to make an unwelcome advance or as "creeping" on her (despite me knowing this is an irrational fear).
Oddly enough I don't feel this fear much at all when I try to start casual conversations with groups of women. I suspect this could be due to not focusing all of my attention on any particular woman during the conversation, so it doesn't feel as likely that any of them would percieve me as creeping on them.
Another thing I've noticed regarding how I feel about talking to women is that I feel slightly more confortable if I know or have very strong reason to suspect (marriage/engagement ring on their finger for example). I realize this doesn't make much sense logically, but part of me feels like if it is known that a woman is in a committed relationship already it won't feel like I'm creeping or making any advances on her by engaging in casual conversation with her. (Again, I know that reasoning doesn't really make much logical sense. It's just how my fears make me feel.)
I know some people hearing that might suggest just asking women if they are single or in a relationship when I first meet them in order to put mu mind morecat ease. However, I probably don't need to explain just how awkward doing that would make things.
It might also make me sound like some kind of sexist who views women as property if I went around asking women about that and then try to explain my actions by telling them I would feel more comfortable talking to them if they are married or dating someone already.
(I can think of two scientific terms off the top of my head that could apply to that behavior and neither of them has good implications. One is self fulfilling prophecy; the other is reaction formation.)
I just feel so awkward and embarrassed about these fears of mine regarding talking to women.
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