Just really hate him right now. HATE.

Yes. I stomped all over his trust by telling a few people about his personal detail. Yes. I said i was sorry and still continue to beat myself up emotionally over it. But why do I feel he's getting back at me by saying the hurtful things he said friday and going back and forth about his feelings for me...It fucking hurts. I'm still very hurt. If this is his some screwed up plan to get me to pull away from him it's sick and twisted. If this is some kind of pay back it's fucking sick and twisted.
 
What's worse is that I have of course just myself to blame. I hate myself for having feelings for him. I wish I could just turn them off! I wish he'd just go away but he wont and instead I'm still suffering. He knows how hadly I'm hurt and sadly it won't surprise me if he brags about how he knows about it. I'm sure he's satisfied or something and so sure that it hurts even MORE. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him...