just notes that are helping me wander the path
I find myself working away and I find myself thinking about the world at large - I find myself thinking about everyone, the world out there and around me and I think ‘is this how my life is?" - and so I compare with the grand stories out there with my life's reality. I started to think in terms of those moments of reflection that are moments that we all share and have to navigate and negotiate. In terms of my own poetry that I write and then I started to listen to music on the loud speaker with greater insight into the moments the songwriters were singing about -
and the music started to have a greater sense of comfort and reassurance to them.
I then thought of last night - as I was getting really upset about something - I don't remember what it was exactly but I remembered the idea that I have to be responsible for my self and my life -
and so I thought about how I have to be responsible for the feelings I have in my self
I was thinking about the responsibility to keep at a task - like i do at work - I don't can't give up the standard- to do the best job possible - and so I thought while back here at the house on my own - that I like needed myself have to somehow tap into that sense of responsibility - with a flimsy sense of boundary while alone - that I have to manifest that boundary of being responsible for what I am feeling.. It helped.
right now I am home from work - and I had lunch and did some errands - and now I am watching the news - I feel kind of miserable - like nothing - no rest lying down- is really helping..
but I guess that moment that I have is something we all deal with to an extent - we have to work hard and worry about life - and then when we come home to rest - we have to recuperate from the day's work - and find things that bring us pleasure including relationships - etc.. It's a chore to keep ourselves happy - but maybe that's a signal to me that it's all work and I have to work away at this side of my life as well.
Replies
Mark, are you on meds? It sounds like, lately, you may be having some depression symptoms. Maybe you should talk to your pdoc. I found a lot of help in figuring out life by being in therapy and I have been in it for many years, off and on, mostly on. Whatever you decide to do I hope you start to feel better about things. ((((hugs))))
thanks becky!