Just Life and Murder She Wrote
Haven't journaled in a while, so here I am. I've had some changes in my life. I'm looking for a new church home after discovering some discrepancies in doctrine at the church I'd been attending for over ten years. It's time to move on. I've never felt so good about a decision.
On the lighter side, I'm doing better at work, earning more money. I've joined a health club, and I'm becoming an angry bird expert, playing the game whenever I have free time at work. I'm also dealing better with this whole widow thing. I'm learning to live life again, and not think about the sadness of being a widow constantly. It's no longer the new normal, but just the normal. That feels comfortable to me. It's a road that I've struggled on for far too long. Oddly enough, I'm crediting my husband for getting me here. He used to be such a huge Murder She Wrote fan, and I couldn't stand it. Well, one night I was in such despair, thinking of him, wishing I didn't have to stay on this earth another day. It was 4 in the morning and I couldn't sleep. Then I thought of my Netflix streaming service and what I could find to just get to sleep. Then that old television series came to mind and how much he used to enjoy it.
Strange, you think of Murder She Wrote and you just couldn't picture my husband enjoying it. He liked action films. Typical guy. I like them too, so a quiet mystery about a widowed woman just didn't appeal to me. But on this night, I thought it would. I thought, how did that fictional character do it? I'm 55 so Jessica Fletcher was no longer the older woman she'd been when the series premired thirty years ago. The charcter is in her early 60s. Now, I could relate to her. So, I turned it on. And watched, not trying to discover who the murderer was, but how this accomplished woman survived. It didn't matter that she was fictional. It mattered only that here was a story about a happy woman, and I wanted to be happy.
So, now it's two months later. I've watched at least three episodes a week. And now I'm feeling free. When I watch her solve crimes, work on her novel, travel across the globe, all without a tear in her eye, well, I know that I can do that too. Here she is, a woman past her youth, and she starts a writing career. Here she is, a woman who has lost her husband, and she's not shutting herself away, feeling sad nearly every day of her life. And she's not waiting to die so she can go to Heaven and live again. Instead, she's living life now. She's moving ahead. And now, thankfully, so am I.
On the lighter side, I'm doing better at work, earning more money. I've joined a health club, and I'm becoming an angry bird expert, playing the game whenever I have free time at work. I'm also dealing better with this whole widow thing. I'm learning to live life again, and not think about the sadness of being a widow constantly. It's no longer the new normal, but just the normal. That feels comfortable to me. It's a road that I've struggled on for far too long. Oddly enough, I'm crediting my husband for getting me here. He used to be such a huge Murder She Wrote fan, and I couldn't stand it. Well, one night I was in such despair, thinking of him, wishing I didn't have to stay on this earth another day. It was 4 in the morning and I couldn't sleep. Then I thought of my Netflix streaming service and what I could find to just get to sleep. Then that old television series came to mind and how much he used to enjoy it.
Strange, you think of Murder She Wrote and you just couldn't picture my husband enjoying it. He liked action films. Typical guy. I like them too, so a quiet mystery about a widowed woman just didn't appeal to me. But on this night, I thought it would. I thought, how did that fictional character do it? I'm 55 so Jessica Fletcher was no longer the older woman she'd been when the series premired thirty years ago. The charcter is in her early 60s. Now, I could relate to her. So, I turned it on. And watched, not trying to discover who the murderer was, but how this accomplished woman survived. It didn't matter that she was fictional. It mattered only that here was a story about a happy woman, and I wanted to be happy.
So, now it's two months later. I've watched at least three episodes a week. And now I'm feeling free. When I watch her solve crimes, work on her novel, travel across the globe, all without a tear in her eye, well, I know that I can do that too. Here she is, a woman past her youth, and she starts a writing career. Here she is, a woman who has lost her husband, and she's not shutting herself away, feeling sad nearly every day of her life. And she's not waiting to die so she can go to Heaven and live again. Instead, she's living life now. She's moving ahead. And now, thankfully, so am I.
Replies
What was the discrepancy in the church you attended that you did not like?
I have bounced around to various churches most of my christian life.
The happiest I was when I attended the Mennonite church. It is too far for someone like me who doesn\'t drive. I now attend a pentecostal church because I can walk to it. I find I don\'t agree with a lot of the political stuff in most churches. I am not a member to any church now. I used to be at one but did not agree with their way of doing things - it was The Richmond Gospel Hall. They don\'t believe women should talk in church, always wear head coverings etc. I am a more open person than that and left. I am content where I go now but will not become a member.
I am glad that Murder She Wrote has helped you in your healing process.
I have come a long way in my own healing process as well. I have more to go but one day at a time is all that I can handle.
Life is great at any age even when we are over 50 years of age and not petite anymore. Any person is in good company when they are with us whether it is a friend or romantic partner. We are mature, not flighty and know our own minds. We are solid in our selves and that is a good thing.
Stay in touch from Diane B.
Truhal,
I loved your posting in your journal.I am glad your gettin g back into life.I am at that point now too.I decided the beginning of this year I was not going to be the weeping widow.I was going to move on,count my blessings,laugh often ,enjoy life and try out new things and be open to new things.Anyway your right if Jessica Fletcher can do all that,we can too.Keep watching Jessica,she seems like a smart woman to me.I am glad you are at a better place now.You take care.
Hugs Sadie
You have inspired me so much with this journal entry ~thank you... and now, i\'m going to begin watching Jessica Fletcher in Murder She Wrote if i can find it on my channel listing. I too, determined to keep living, growing and becoming. Its not easy, but the worst has already happened and Jesus is with me all the time making my way gentler. I do believe He takes special care of widows. Hugs to you, Dear One.
I have been a Murder She Wrote fan from the get go, but never saw it from the direction you describe. It is a wonderful way to see things and I wanted to thank you for giving me another view on a series that I have loved for years. I am so happy that you have found peace with things. I just wish that I could put thing as well as you and Jessica Fletcher. Hugs Jane
Truhal,
What a interesting and enjoyable post. It kept me on edge to what you
would write next. LOL. This journal is the kind that just makes you feel good,
and glad you are alive. Very Inspirational. Oh, and I hope you find a church that you feel good with.
Hugs--Deanna
Very encouraging post....I hope you find a church that fits, sometimes their indoctrine is religious not spiritual and you have to find what is within your spiritiual being and keep what fits from the building called a church...good luck and best wishes....for feeling better
Great post!
Best regards
Vicki