Just Life
Felt sorry for myself--missing my husband. Today I actually told someone I wished I never met him. My life was so much better when I didn't know happiness. To have it taken away after having a taste of it is like drug withdrawal. Better never to have started the drug.
Not sure how I feel now.
Yesterday at work a drunk guy made a pass at me. Made me scared and vulnerable. No protector now. I had two protectors before: my husband and my weight. I'm losing weight now at such a remarkable pace that people are starting to notice. I'm a victim of molestation, so we use fat as protection. Men don't make passes at fat women. Fat meant I could be invisible--I could walk through the store, sit in restaurants by myself, etc. But not if I continue to lose weight. Lose thirty more pounds and it starts. The drunk guy was just the beginning. Anyhow, this is the point where I have to remind myself not to eat tons of food. I can't get my husband back, but I can get fat back. Fat means back to the hospital with stroke symptoms etc.
Stepdaughter is on her way to being homeless again. Her husband had the money to pay the rent but decided not to. I'm on my way to joblessness so I can't help her. The stress is building, so I'm going to Zumba and maybe walking a few miles. Then maybe I'll calm down and see the blessing in my life again. And just maybe I'll realize what comes natural for me--it's just life. There's a better world waiting on the other side--one free of the drunk man, the son-in-law that won't pay the rent, and the fat woman trying to get out of me again.
Not sure how I feel now.
Yesterday at work a drunk guy made a pass at me. Made me scared and vulnerable. No protector now. I had two protectors before: my husband and my weight. I'm losing weight now at such a remarkable pace that people are starting to notice. I'm a victim of molestation, so we use fat as protection. Men don't make passes at fat women. Fat meant I could be invisible--I could walk through the store, sit in restaurants by myself, etc. But not if I continue to lose weight. Lose thirty more pounds and it starts. The drunk guy was just the beginning. Anyhow, this is the point where I have to remind myself not to eat tons of food. I can't get my husband back, but I can get fat back. Fat means back to the hospital with stroke symptoms etc.
Stepdaughter is on her way to being homeless again. Her husband had the money to pay the rent but decided not to. I'm on my way to joblessness so I can't help her. The stress is building, so I'm going to Zumba and maybe walking a few miles. Then maybe I'll calm down and see the blessing in my life again. And just maybe I'll realize what comes natural for me--it's just life. There's a better world waiting on the other side--one free of the drunk man, the son-in-law that won't pay the rent, and the fat woman trying to get out of me again.
Replies
My prayers are with you.. Take care this too shall pass....
Your step-daughter would be better without her current husband.
Its just my opinion.
Now that I am not hanging out with Dave at the bar all the, I noticed a drop in my weight. It was the booze. I am also regular now. Before the booze made me constipated. Its good not having Dave in my life. Although I could use a man who is hand at repairing things in my apartment. I miss that as Dave helped me or knew someone who could help me for free or a case a beer. I have to ask my cousin and her husband.
I want a man who accepts me no matter how thin or fat I am. There are a few good men who will accept a woman for herself. They are rare. I don\'t want a man who say if you gain any more weight I don\'t want you. That kind of man can be tossed out with the trash.
You will learn to deal with drunks, creeps and all sorts of unsavory men who will hit on you. Its a learning lesson. You lose the weight, keep it up and I am so proud of you. This is for yourself and your own health both physically and inwardly. Congratulations! Take it as a good sign that if men hit on you, you are looking good. Its all positive.
From Diane B.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers....keep up with the good work of losing the weight and getting healthy; tell any men that you aren\'t interested as you are getting healthy for your own well being. Hugs, Sandi