Just keep going
Things are going better now. Bruce is feeling a bit better. The fluid is not as bad today, he was able to eat. We had a visit today, we were able to sit outside for a few min's and talk. I did get a sunburn though (already). I am trying to focus on the times we have together, to enjoy the quit moments. I hope he will live allot longer but it is an uncertainty, but that is the same for everyone. The healthiest out there can get hit by a bus tomorrow. I have enjoyed 16 yrs with the love of my life. Hopefully he has turned a corner and will stay this way.
I saw my doc today. Talked to him about my health care. I do not think my diabetes is being taken care of when I am on the steroids. I asked to see my diabetic specialist to see what she says. He said he would make a referral. He is also going to send me to a cardiologist to see about getting an angiogram done.
I also talked to him about getting an Rx for wine. We have recreational therapy here. We have many groups, in the mornings we do puzzles & have coffee. Mon, Wed, Friday afternoons we play cards. Other days we do other things but late Friday afternoons we have a groups called T.G.I.F. and if we have a doc Rx we can drink. I have asked for a glass of wine. It makes me feel like a normal person doing normal things.
I have started to go out for "walks" in the evenings. One of the things that I enjoyed doing when I was at home. I also started to talk to other ladies here on other floors. To reach out to people, to open up my life. I am going to email the volunteer coordinator at the sexual assault crisis center & see what I can do at the center to help.
I have accepted that this is home. If at some point in the future I can go home that would be great, but I am not hanging all of my hopes and dreams on it.I have discovered the more I was trying to make it home I was running from here. I was also shutting out the help that I needed. I have started to accept that I do need the help. I have also realized that I never considered myself sick. I have minor health problems or so I thought. I have come to realize that I am sick. But at the same time I can have a life. (may be one day I can get this straight in my head)
I saw my doc today. Talked to him about my health care. I do not think my diabetes is being taken care of when I am on the steroids. I asked to see my diabetic specialist to see what she says. He said he would make a referral. He is also going to send me to a cardiologist to see about getting an angiogram done.
I also talked to him about getting an Rx for wine. We have recreational therapy here. We have many groups, in the mornings we do puzzles & have coffee. Mon, Wed, Friday afternoons we play cards. Other days we do other things but late Friday afternoons we have a groups called T.G.I.F. and if we have a doc Rx we can drink. I have asked for a glass of wine. It makes me feel like a normal person doing normal things.
I have started to go out for "walks" in the evenings. One of the things that I enjoyed doing when I was at home. I also started to talk to other ladies here on other floors. To reach out to people, to open up my life. I am going to email the volunteer coordinator at the sexual assault crisis center & see what I can do at the center to help.
I have accepted that this is home. If at some point in the future I can go home that would be great, but I am not hanging all of my hopes and dreams on it.I have discovered the more I was trying to make it home I was running from here. I was also shutting out the help that I needed. I have started to accept that I do need the help. I have also realized that I never considered myself sick. I have minor health problems or so I thought. I have come to realize that I am sick. But at the same time I can have a life. (may be one day I can get this straight in my head)
Replies
I\'m so thankful that your husband is doing better! How nice, too, that the nice weather is giving you the opportunity to get out and about. Sunburn already?? Yeah, me too. Thankfully it has faded.
You are such an inspiration to so many of us. What a wonderful example. God has used you to bless and enrich so many.
I sure hope your doc gives you the Rx for your wine. Sounds like a nice way to relax and feel normal.
Linda
Kayce, your post was wonderful today!
About Bruce, yes, even the healthiest folks can get hit by a bus! Hopefully Bruce will be around for many years to comfort you. I\'m glad you are focusing on the time you have together, and cherish every moment with him. It is good to realize that he is sick too, and that you may not have a lot of time with him, so that you can cherish every moment with him. My hubby is not sick, but I often think because he is older than me, that my time with him might be cut short, even by a bus. I try to use that feeling to focus on him and what he is talking about with me, just to feel that closeness that comes with cherishing a person. I think this probably doesn\'t make much sense to you, as I\'m having a hard time explaining myself, but I understand what you are saying about Bruce, and I appreciate what you are doing with him. Love him and cherish him for the rest of his life, however long that may be. It must have been really sunny where you live for you to get sunburned! But I bet the sun felt wonderful on you.
I\'m glad you asked to see the diabetic specialist. Yes, steroids play havoc on the body when you are diabetic. A steady dose like you have been given will surely raise your blood sugar higher than is healthy. Maybe the specialist can recommend insulin to take when you have to take steroids or something similar to protect yourself from high blood sugar. Do you now take meds for the diabetes? Well, I\'m just glad to see that you are asking for advice with your diabetes now. Very smart lady! Don\'t ever forget that you have to be your own best health advocate and keep questioning the doctors!
Recreational therapy? Ha, what fun that sounds like. Nothing wrong with a glass of wine. Good for you! You probably will sleep better too on Friday nights. Good luck with that!
I\'m glad to hear you are opening up yourself for friendship, and accepting your lot in life. Yes, you are home now and you should be doing what you are doing. You are going through the stages of acceptance, coming full circle now and accepting. You have certainly opened yourself up here on DS, and I can imagine you will make many friends at the hospital you are at. They are lucky to have you there!
I like how you are thinking now as described in your last paragraph. It sounds much healthier and good for you in the long run.
It\'s very late and I\'m very tired while writing this response to your journal. I hope I\'ve made some sense here. I\'m just very inspired by your journal today. Thank you for posting.
Kayce, you truly are inspiring! I think about you and Bruce everyday, you have made such an impression on me with your story. You are such a strong woman! Lynne, your comment made sense to me. I do the same thing in regards to cherishing the time with my husband. No one knows the time we have and it\'s very precious. Getting to know others here on DS has really enriched my life and made me more aware of all the blessings I have. I have learned so much from you Kayce. I try to look at what I can do everyday to show my gratitude for even the little things. You have definitely influenced my perspective in a very positive way! You are amazing :)
~Tracy
My dear friend Kayce, I\'m so glad Bruce is doing better. You know I mention both of you by name in my prayers and the love you have for each other. I\'m glad you have found your niche and are comfortable in it. That is so difficult for so many. You have made a home for yourself there and contribute so much to those around you there and here.
Gentle hugs and joined at the heart, Linda
Lynne,
I do understand what you mean about your husband.
Bruce is quit a bit older than me. He is 32 yrs older. When I married at 25 a counselor told me I was self-destructing. He would not live more then a couple of yrs.
I did not listen to her & have had 16 wonderful yrs of marriage. The nurses comment on the love we share. One of the nurses says that is what she is looking for.
It is not our age it is our bond & true love is true love.
So enjoy your Hubby.