Just hurting so much today.
Today I just needed to talk to someone, anyone, but everybody was too busy (as usual) with their own lives. I understand that, but not one of my family or friends can understand that I sometimes just need to talk! I thank God for my online friends, especially my FMO friends, to whom I can talk!!
At the moment I'm seriously considering e-mailing each one of them a letter, in which I tell them exactly how I feel! I want to tell them about my all consuming hurt, because I will never hold my precious little Colleen in my arms ever again! And then I want to tell them how I feel about their convenient withdrawal from my life!! My family know me as a person who does crazy, illogical things at times, and their usual response is: "Oh, she's just acting crazy again". Is it maybe humiliating for them, or just too much trouble to try to understand that I am hurting? Maybe I'm expecting too much from them. How can they possibly understand anyway?
Sorry about this rambling on, but I just needed to get it out of my system. I guess I'll be o.k again tomorrow.
At the moment I'm seriously considering e-mailing each one of them a letter, in which I tell them exactly how I feel! I want to tell them about my all consuming hurt, because I will never hold my precious little Colleen in my arms ever again! And then I want to tell them how I feel about their convenient withdrawal from my life!! My family know me as a person who does crazy, illogical things at times, and their usual response is: "Oh, she's just acting crazy again". Is it maybe humiliating for them, or just too much trouble to try to understand that I am hurting? Maybe I'm expecting too much from them. How can they possibly understand anyway?
Sorry about this rambling on, but I just needed to get it out of my system. I guess I'll be o.k again tomorrow.
Replies
Hi my wonderful friend! First and foremost you are very special to me and I am hear for you. You are NOT Rambling, you are expressing your feelings which is great. In order to keep moving on we need to TALK about our precious child. I am so sorry that you feel no one is listening or is there for you. We are on a horrible journey but you have wonderful moms here who truly care about you. I am sending you lots of hugs and prayers. Debbie
Hi Andelene,
\" If You Ever Need Someone To Chat
With ~ I\'m Here And I Understand - Too. \"
Love Ya, Barbara
I understand. It\'s like if everyone ignores our pain it will magically disappear. Unfortunately, That attitude makes me feel like I have disappeared. We are not ever taught how to deal with someone after such a unimaginable loss, let alone live with it. I am forever grateful for this site and the moms who make coming here somewhere I want to be. I hope you find a moment of peace. I wish you enough...
Hugs
Merrilee
Hello Andelene...I am so sorry your family doesn\'t understand. I don\'t know exactly how you feel, but I have lost my brother, mom, dad, and a husband who were all very close to me. I know it the hurt does not come close to losing a child. Please pm me anytime. I check emails from my phone so I can respond right away. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care of you my sweet friend. Huggs xoxo
Thank you so much, everyone! You are my REAL friends and family members! I just feel so angry and hurt today.....
Sometimes,,, family is the worst..... mine is! they are afraid to say Morgan,,,, except my sister,,,, it took her many months and lots of questions to be ok with talking about her,,, but she tried and I would tell her plain out ,,,we have lost friends,, but the ones who stay close are true friends.. I found being here was my saving grace,, love to you and hope today is a little better..
This is why you come here because you are among loving companions who do understand. What you are experiencing hurts and adds to the isolation that can be felt so deeply as grieving mothers. It\'s not a disease and not something we are ever going to get over or \"cure.\"
I\'m sorry that it was a hard day...
Come here and let it all out as you are and know that whatever you decide is what it needs to BE. I have found that if I give myself 24 hours before I act on something sometimes my feelings change... sometimes they don\'t either, yet giving myself that time has been helpful for me.
Heart to Heart and Hand in Hand we go...
Loving care to your broken heart and a tight healing (((hug))) too.
XO Joanie
Been there. Done that. Yes they probably DO think you\'re \"crazy\", but YOU ARE NOT. I\'ve learned a lesson: write the emails but send them TO YOURSELF. Review them the next day. You may find that it is not something you really want to share, or you may decide to send the emails (you may even decide to edit them). I\'ve gotten myself into a lot of trouble with my daughter\'s father\'s family by writing emails under stress and grief regarding WHY NONE OF THEM CAME TO THE BURIAL OF HER CREMAINS. Only ONE responded with sympathy and truth: HE NEVER TOLD ANYONE. So he is now out of my life (and I did mourn the final ending of this 28 year long relationship, and it did complicate my emotional distress, but that\'s over now and I did the right thing).
Rule of thumb: before sending any email from pain, anger, etc., address it to yourself, wait 24 hours, and then make a decision. And WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT YOU, have any of them walked in your shoes?
It\'s good to write these things down. I am sorry your family doesn\'t understand. You can message me at any time.
HUGS
I\'m so grateful for your rambling... truly sorry I didn\'t read it earlier... Although I\'m truly sorry you have this struggle... since you do I\'m glad you shared. I too have this struggle and have had for most of my life. Its convenient I think for them to kind of dismiss us and our feelings. Andelene you are soooooooooo not alone. I absolutely want you to know that. I will be writing a journal later about this... so many things I too want to share. Hugs Elissa... I know you can\'t move here and I can\'t move there but I dearly wish we lived closer... Your struggles so echo my own.