JUST GETTING THROUGH ANOTHER DAY

WELL I HAVE MADE IT THROUGH ANOTHER DAY!1 I ALWAYS HAVE TROUBLE GOING TO BED,I FEEL IF I HAVE MADE IT TO THIS TIME OF DAY ITS GOOD BUT WHEN I GO TO SLEEP AND WAKE UP WHO KNOWS WHAT NEW PROBLEMS WILL BE WAITING...WILL THE ELECTRIC BE ON WILL WE BE WARM,HAVE FOOD OR EVEN A HOUSE TO LIVE IN??????? MOST DAYS I FEEL LIKE I AM SLIPPING FARTHER AND FARTHER INTO A BLACK HOLE. I HAVE GIVEN UP TRYING TO TALK TO FAMILY OR FRIENDS THEY DONT UNDERSTAND OR CARE.EVERYONE IS ALWAYS SO TIED UP IN THIER OWN LIVES TO HAVE TIME FOR ANYTHING ELSE AND I NO YOU CAN ONLY TALK ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS SO MUCH BEFORE EVERYONE STARTS RUNNING FOR THE HILLS. I HAVE WENT TO COUNSELERS OVER THE YEARS AND JUST STARTED WITH A NEW ONE.IT IS A MALE AND TO BE HONEST I DONT HAVE MUCH RESPECT FOR MOST MEN AND I FEEL LIKE A FOOL EXPLAINING MY LIFE TO SOMEONE WHO DOESNT HAVE A CLUE....HE IS LIKE ALL THE OTHER COUNSELERS I HAVE SEEN  ,THEY SPEND MORE TIME WATCHING THE CLOCK FOR TIMES UP THAN LISTENING OR THEY GIVE YOU A COMMENT RIGHT OUT OF A PSYCOLOGY BOOK THAT I ALREADY READ MYSELF.HELL,THEY SHOULD PAY ME TO SIT THERE WITH THEM LOL.I KNOW THAT I AM JUST GOING STIR CRAZY FROM DOING  NOTHING BUT MOSTLY I  HAVE A GOOD PLAN IN MY HEAD THAN I GET TO DEPPRESSED TO DO ANYTHING THEN MY WHOLE BODY HURTS AND I REALLY DONT GET ANYWHERE. MY MIND KEEPS TELLING ME GET BACK INTO THE WORK FORCE BUT MY PAIN TELLS ME I CANT....WHAT A BATTLE NO WONDER I AM DEPPRESSED.LATELY I FEEL LONELY AND LIKE A SLAVE IN MY  OWN HOME.WHEN I DECIDE TO GET MY BODY MOVING FOR THE DAY I DO DISHES FIFTY TIMES A DAY,COOK,DO NON STOP LAUNDRY AND PICKING UP AFTER THE WHOLE FAMILY. THEN I END UP IN SO MUCH  PAIN  I YELL AT EVERYONE UNTIL I LOCK MYSELF IN A ROOM CRYING.I CANT AFFORD TO JUST GET OUT OF THE HOUSE AND HELL WHERE WOULD I GO ANYWAYS.PRETTY MUCH ALL OF MY SO CALLED FRIENDS HAVE FOUND OTHER THINGS TO DO SINCE I AM NEVER AROUND ANYMORE.THIS IS VERY HARD FOR ME YOU SEE BECAUSE I WAS ALWAYS A VERY SOCIAL PERSON.I WOULD TALK AND JOKE WITH ALL PEO[PLE EVERYWHERE.I GUESS IT WAS A CURSE OF BEING A BARTENDER.PEOPLE THOUGHT THEY COULD TELL ME ANYTHING AND I THOUGHT I HAD FRIENDS NOT JUST AQUANTNANCES.WELL,I HAVE A BOOK BY JAMES PATTERSON CALLING MY NAME ,ESCAPING INTO SOMEONE ELSES LIFE IF JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE.............GOOD MORNING I GUESS GOOD NIGHT WILL HAVE TO WAIT......