Just dread the 8th of the month now.
Feeling like I'm on that forever roller coaster ride. I HATE the 8th, all I think about is it's a countdown to the exact day i lost Greg. So tomorrow on the 8th, it will be 8 months. I also received his death certificate in the mail today so that's also brought up feelings, I've been ignoring. So I've been crying off and on.
The only good thing about the weekend, is my Mom had canceled their wedding anniversary party, but one of my brothers came in from OK with his new girlfriend. I don't know what I expected him to say, but at least something, instead nothing was said. But also think that was my folks doing, they probably told him not to say anything? It's just upsetting to not be able to even mention my sons name. I want to get them all together and just yell GREG was and will always be my son and loved by me... I know he passed from an overdose, but that doesn't make him less of a person.
I was painting picture frames today, getting ready for a puppy photo shoot Wednesday. Was trying to just forget about my family, when I heard on the radio, his favorite song, "Chicken Fried' from Zac Brown Band and I started to laugh, leave it to Greg to get my attention with that goofy song. He use to hate country music and came across that song, and fell in love with it. He would insist on playing it and singing it to me in his off key voice, top of his lungs and he would through in his fake british accent and well, once again he made me smile. Love you so much Greg and I will continue on my journey, continue to heal and I know some day we will be together again, until then keep sending me those signs.
mum
The only good thing about the weekend, is my Mom had canceled their wedding anniversary party, but one of my brothers came in from OK with his new girlfriend. I don't know what I expected him to say, but at least something, instead nothing was said. But also think that was my folks doing, they probably told him not to say anything? It's just upsetting to not be able to even mention my sons name. I want to get them all together and just yell GREG was and will always be my son and loved by me... I know he passed from an overdose, but that doesn't make him less of a person.
I was painting picture frames today, getting ready for a puppy photo shoot Wednesday. Was trying to just forget about my family, when I heard on the radio, his favorite song, "Chicken Fried' from Zac Brown Band and I started to laugh, leave it to Greg to get my attention with that goofy song. He use to hate country music and came across that song, and fell in love with it. He would insist on playing it and singing it to me in his off key voice, top of his lungs and he would through in his fake british accent and well, once again he made me smile. Love you so much Greg and I will continue on my journey, continue to heal and I know some day we will be together again, until then keep sending me those signs.
mum
Replies
That was a sign from him because he knows you are hurting and he got you to laugh...what a kid!! Our kids want us to laugh and enjoy life but I know how hard that can be...so just hold on and he will be helping you on your journey as we will too. BIG HUGS, Connie
Aw Julie, Greg was with you when you needed him today. My husband could hardly hold the death certificate, he handed it to me and told me to put it someplace. We grieved so differently. People act so differently and awkwardly around death. They are so afraid that by mentioning our child\'s name they will make us sad. Some stay away for months hoping we are over it. I so wish this was not true!
Sending love your way,
Leda
I had never heard the song... I like it... I can so picture Greg teasing and singing along... and hey... all those things are good... I am grateful how sometimes we can feel them so near and its like we feel the warmth of their smile/laugh. I\'m glad you got a visit from Greg. Hugs Elissa
I used to hate Tuesday\'s...and the 2nd day of the month. I think most of us have had these same feelings/thoughts. One day I was crying so hard and saying how I hated Tuesday\'s and then I realized it was Wednesday....I had made it through Tuesday just fine, yet because I had my days mixed up and told myself it was Tuesday, I was miserable. That was a huge wake up FOR ME that I was talking myself into hating Tuesday and it really had nothing to do with the day...it was my inner tape playing the lie that Tuesdays were to be dreaded and hated. I don\'t know if any part of my experience will help you, but that\'s how it was for me.
I fully believe you hearing that song was a gift from Greg!! So, THANK YOU GREG for making your mom smile when she was having such a hard day! Please stay close by and let your presence be known often! We need those gifts and winks so very much!!!
On the subject of not talking about Greg....well, that just would NOT fly with me! Personally, I don\'t give a rats ass who feels uncomfortable talking about Kala or listening to me talk about her. If and when the conversation brings something to mind where she would naturally be spoken of, I do. AND if I ever want to say anything about her...whether that\'s where the conversation was heading or not, I do. And if others can\'t handle it, well, I\'m sorry, but it doesn\'t change how or when I share my child. I am VERY free and open when it comes to talking about Kala. Of course, my family and friends know this WELL by now, so all\'s good. But it was rough in the beginning. I simply didn\'t stop including Kala, so they had no choice but to get used to it and accept it. Funny thing, now they will ask me \"what\'s Kala been up to lately\"!! I\'ve trained them well!!! I say, do what YOU need to do and when that is talk about Greg, do so!!
And this whole thing about \"how\" someone passes being the foundation for how their family is treated, and how they are remembered and honored, well, that\'s just a bunch of bull! It does not matter one iota how someone passes....whether by car accident, suicide, drug over dose, disease, war, or anything else....when someone\'s child dies, the mother is devastated. Now I will say there are some horrible people who do horrible things and if/when they die, I have no human compassion for them....but drug overdose is NOT one of those extreme situations....murder and rape, yes. OK, that\'s my soap box for the day!!
Bet the picture frames turned out beautifully and I hope you\'ll post some pictures for us to see!
Keep taking it moment by moment, day by day, and keep talking to and about Greg!
Love and Peace~~Teri
Oh,, how I remember that dreaded day of receiving the death certificate,,, oh, I cried.. your family.... sorry I cannot help,,, mine is so screwed up,,, but I did get my sister on the right page ,,, she wanted to know what to say,,, how to say things,,, the rest,,ha,,, brothers...! I do say Morgan;s name when with our friends and they do not mind... good friends make the difference.. love ya!
I remember too receiving Doug\'s death certificate and it felt so surreal to me. It is a hard one and I just put it away quickly and then couldn\'t remember where I had placed them when I needed one.
The 13th and Sunday used to be the hard days for me, yet at some point they no longer gave me that heartstring pull as they once did. Now, I actually enjoy Sundays because I try to remember that it was always Doug\'s favorite dinner day and he always wanted to know what we would be having. This takes time so feel all that you need to as you are and I understand about the 8th.
Grateful that Greg uses music as a sign and was able to lift you for a moment and hope he\'ll keep those signs coming.
You have been through a lot with your move so take good care and just keep speaking Greg\'s name because I am listening.
Lots of love,
XO Joanie
Thanks y\'all, I woke up and decided to day is just going to be another day and NOT focus on the #, thanks Teri, your comments made me rethink, my Mondays and the 8th. I didn\'t even realize I use to dread Monday\'s, because that\'s when the police came to tell me Greg passed and after reading what you said, I made it through Monday as just another day. :) And of course the first song I hear was Chicken Fried. When I get up I usually turn on the country video station and TV, so I really believe Greg was saying morning Mum, go out and have a great day and I will be with you...
I was told very early on that the 22nd of November (my son, Michael\'s Angel Date) that it was just a number and that I would not miss my son on that day any more than any other day of the year. In the beginning, I was always aware of when it was the 22nd of any month. But like Teri\'s \"wake up\", I had one of my own! Michael died on the Saturday before Thanksgiving. It was the 22nd. So, I got to thinking, do I be sad on Saturdays or on the 22nd\'s? It really \"hit\" home last year when the 22nd of November fell on Thanksgiving day. I joined my family for the 1st time in 4 years for dinner and it was VERY okay! I knew it was the 22nd but Michael did not die on Thanksgiving Day, he died the Saturday before!! It hit me full force the meaning of it being just another day, another number. I miss Michael today, October 8th 2013 and I will miss him no more on November 22nd 2013 (whatever day of the week it falls on this year). I don\'t even take off work on the 22nd. (Would I take off work on the 22nd, or Saturday or what). So, they are just numbers, indeed. So this is how I think about it...AND you say your son\'s name anytime you want to!! There is no shame. Michael died of an accidental overdose. My family has never stopped talking about him. The only thing that was ever said was one time my mother asked me if I told people the truth of how Michael died. I looked at her like she was from Mars and told her Of Course I do! I told her that to lie would be the same thing as being ashamed of him and I AM NOT. In the beginning my co-workers (who are more like my co-family) would avoid talking about Michael for fear of hurting me...But all these years later, they have learned it is okay! They don\'t instantly look at me anymore to see if I am going to cry if he is mentioned. My young co-worker is expecting his 1st son in 3 months and he often questions me about \"how did you do this or that with Michael and Jason\". Just yesterday, he was asking me if I had them in sports and is it important etc. So you say Greg\'s name whenever you want to! Never allow anyone to make you feel like you should be ashamed of his manner of death. It is THEIR problem if they don\'t like it. Unless they are so PERFECT that they can live in glass houses and still throw stones and be judgemental, they should be a little humble and considerate. JMHO. Enjoy today October 8th! It is Tuesday and I bet Greg did not die on a Tuesday, right? Makes you think!
Peace,
Thanks, I did have a good day and to me it was just a Tuesday I had to get some painting done, take the dogs out for a walk, my neighbors little 4 yr old little girl came over, so we could have a practice session before I keep her all day Thursday. And we had a blast, we painted and played with the pups and I can\'t wait til Thursday. And BinkyH you said it best, I will talk about Greg and I miss him no less or no more on the 8th and Mondays. They will be #\'s to me. Now the family will always be a work in progress and the real test is I\'m going to invite them all to go out to dinner On Dec.1 which would have been Greg\'s 34th birthday and it will probably only be me, but I\'m OK with it. I will talk about him, talk to him and he and I will have a good time and celebrate the time we did have together and still do. I just can\'t say how much I LOVE you ladies, I\'m proud to call you my friends. HUGS!