Just dont know
Today is day 35 since Marissa's accident. I have had A LOT of negative thoughts going through my mind the past few days about the days, weeks months before. It is driving me crazy! I had a dream about her last night but it wasnt very good. In my dream She was in jail, she wouldnt let me visit her, only her sister, she had a big cut on her forehead and was very angry and depressed she was in jail.This dream I had just felt like a stab in my heart.I have been searching for comfort through books and stories of the afterlife and spirits in heaven....it really helps then I have this kind of dream? What could it possibly mean? My husband seems to think it is just the negative energy from all of these bad thoughts.
I am just tired so tired. I want her home with me so so bad. I want to rewind the past few months and erase these friends that she met out of her life so that she would still be with me, or would she? I am just lost and so scared I will never find myself again. My husband says he wants his wife back, is that even possible?
I am just tired so tired. I want her home with me so so bad. I want to rewind the past few months and erase these friends that she met out of her life so that she would still be with me, or would she? I am just lost and so scared I will never find myself again. My husband says he wants his wife back, is that even possible?
Replies
I am sorry
I understand and wish there was a magic pill to take that would make this all better. We just have to take one step at a time. Be kind and patience with yourself and tell others that they have to do the same as we are not ever the same again after our loss. We do continue in life and can have joy, but it is forever changed. Hoping you feel the peace I am sending to you. Hugs, Kathy
I am so sorry. I don\'t think we will ever be the same. I am not good with words, but I just wanted you to know you are not alone and we are here for you. Praying you have a gentle peaceful day. Hugs, Paula
35 days? give yourself a medal for being able to write this post! You have been through a terrible trauma. I know because I have, too. Just staying mobil the first year is a mirical. I\'m five years down the line and still have trouble leaving my house some days.
You are going to be going through this apex of grief for a while longer. Just getting up and talking is a challenge some days. I didn\'t understand what had happened to my son (he died in his sleep in Israel) for months. We were called on the phone after our son was buried!
Years go by, and we seek support. I still see a psychologist. There are groups like The Compassionate Friends that meet once a month. Be patient and kind, these first few months are very troubled. Love to you, gentle hugs, so sorry for your terrible loss. Abby
35 days is so early on this awful journey none of us ever wanted to be on. Some days just getting out of bed is a challenge. It\'s been almost 6 years since my son Doug\'s fatal car accident at age 22. Still feel the stab in the heart, breath taken away, every day. Be gentle with yourself and don\'t expect too much of yourself. Your world as been turned upside down. Unfortunately for your husband, I don\'t think you will ever be the same. Hugs and love, Sue xo
The days pass but as you said in your latest journal, life stopped at that moment. It feels like that still, 15 months later after my Jennifer left ths earth.
As I was told from these amazing moms - be patient, be gentle with yourself, don\'t expect too much--just BREATHE....Because some days, that\'s all I can do....Standing with you on this journey.
I too agree with Sue - I don\'t think you will ever be the same, either. A loss of a child changes you. Sending a hug to you tonite. Vicki
My husband wanted me back too. All husbands seem to say the same thing to us.... But the truth is, we will NEVER be the same. We will and do heal to a place of being able to truly live our lives again, but the same....no, not the same. And that\'s not to say better or worse....we are just different. And we have to learn about our new selves and that takes time.
Husbands want to \"fix\" problems. This can\'t be fixed. And men have a hard time with that fact. It\'s in their nature to protect us and comfort us and solve our problems for us. And they are hurting, deeply, devastatingly so, just as we are, and rarely have (or will use) the resources to help them try an figure out the new dynamics of how to continue. You may see him spending more time working or doing chores around the house or maybe just \"hiding\" away in the garage or on his fishing boat for instance. Or he may hover around you till you think you might scream! We are the lucky ones in the area of as being women, it comes natural for us to share our hearts, tell our stories, seek advice and help. We are stopping at FMO for directions.....men rarely if ever, stop for directions.
Your dream could very well have everything to do with negative energy.....thoughts, fears, anger even. Or it could be a way Marissa is trying to speak to you. Only you will be able to figure it out. And if a clear answer about it doesn\'t come in for you.....leave it alone. Just let it go and keep asking her to send you a sign. We often call them winks...something I learned about from a dear friend about 6 months after Kala left earth.
Keep asking Marissa to talk to you. I told Kala to shout and hit me with a 2x4 if necessary....I didn\'t want to miss any communication. And I always thank her!! And I always invite her to go with me everywhere I go. Another story for another time!
Deep breath in, deep exhale out my friend~~