just because you're alone you're not in a vacuum
the day started well...I mean, I went to work, got the work done,
I was very tired by the end of the shift for some reason.
Came home and played with Blue - made lunch and ate
and then jumped in the shower and dressed for the day.
I went to Starbucks, got my usual...then came home
and turned on the TV but I decided to nap.
Woke up about 40 minutes later and went and got the mail. Junk mail :(.
But I came back - played with Blue some more and started to think
about my life in Toronto, Canada (where I lived for 1.5 years or so.)
I thought about my time in England and France as well.
I thought of how I felt 'charged' or energized with getting on with my days when I lived
in Canada. I was productive with renovating my home but also I spent a lot of money
on decorative stuff as well as going out for meals and shopping for nice clothes
at a place called Harry Rosen. It was time for a big splurge for me, definitely sick
as well. I felt more a part of society up there - it definitely is more personal and more
social there - along with being a socialist country. They've got a wonderful health care system too.
I found myself today just thinking about how I would look forward to going out for walks
there but also a big sense of not being connected to reality in a way.
Down here in the US, I am feeling isolated in a way - but at my Doctor's urging she
reminded me that it may be hard to make some decisions if I live in a vacuum...and so
I am taking the hint from this suggestion that although I may be alone in this apartment,
with my cat kid Blue - I definitely don't live in a vacuum. My thoughts and feelings
may be subtley on the surface and I'm desperately trying to hold onto the pragmatic and practical
but I can still create my life with those subtle thoughts and feelings. Believe in them
and nurture them and they WILL yield fruit. On one level it may be like finding a form, or a need,
and fulfilling it. But on another it may be joining or endeavoring to have a really good new experience!
If you choose to go for something, there will very often be those along your path who will stomp on
your progress...but keep heart and faith and fortitude...that will always be the case...thoughtless
actions that are just about that person's own bullshit... go for what you want! Endeavor and make your day!!
Replies
Very uplifting! This aligns with my current endeavor of my ongoing quest for sincerity.
Have a good night, markus!
'Tis a scientific fact that Nature abhors a vacuum. When she discovers one, she works like a mad dog to fill it with whatever material she can fit through the cracks. In my strictly personal recovery, she typically fills that vacuum with trash and toxins. Part of my own recovery strategy is to find substitute behaviors for every dysfunctional behavior I am working to remove. Nature seems to like evolution more than she likes eradication.
So it seems to this certified nut job. . .
A benefit I got from the old frequent flier plan of my hyper-vigilance was the Tabula Rasa of a place where nobody knew a thing about me. I could write whatever I wanted on that clean slate. Landing in a place where English was not the dominant language gave me a pre-established excuse for being impossible to understand. I bet you have some clues what was eventually scribbled on that Tabula Rasa.
As I worked to psychotherapute my hyper-vigilance, among the ways I carried the bennies forward was by letting each day be a new beginning.
Hope this dawn's Tabula Rasa finds solid evolutions to your heart, spirit and mind.
thanks guys!!