Just a smooth day
Woke up around 8am, but went back to sleep. Seem to be getting into the habit of sleeping until around 11am or so. This is pretty differant for me. I've always been one to be up pretty early. I don't mind it tho because I do feel much more rested. Most of the time when I work with Bob we work late anyway, then after I go on the computer for awhile. Lately I've been going to bed around 2am or 3. I do feel good tho. I'm eating well. Last night, and the night before I've been talking to my friend, and I feel much better about everything, and my mind is at ease. That feels so good. Everything seems to be going much better. Today I've been organizing, and catching up on some cleaning. That feels good too. I like comming into a nice tidy home where I feel relaxed. I'm going to tile my kitchen floor. It really needs to be redone. I was cleaning out the closet at the bottom of the stairs and came across some tiles. There was ceramic, and vinyle ones. I was going to do the ceramic, just to get some experiance with it, but then I thought of how messy that would be, pluse I need special tools for that. The vinyle ones are much easier putting in, and they look nice, so I'm going with them. I'de like to do the washroom too, but that will be later. A bit of a pain in the ass because I w ould have to take the tub, sink, and toilet out. Right now it has rug in it. Bob probably just took the easiest route when he put the rug in. I think it used to be all hardwood floors, but their too old and haven't been maintained, and there pretty damaged. To do anything with them you would most likely have to either replace the whole floor, or put new flooring, or tiles on top. I know I sometimes bitch about this place, but it is a pretty good deal for me. I should be more gratefull about it. Nobody that I have ever seen on social assistance lives this good, unless it's a family or a couple. Everybody that gets the same as me can only afford to rent a room. I've got my own washroom, kitchen, a good size bedroom, a large living room, and a good size dinning room. I'm really doing very good. Bob was talking a few weeks ago when I was strugling with things. He said something that stuck in my mind. He looked around and said I had everything a person could want, and didn't understand why I keep putting it in jepardy. I thought about it afterwards, and he is right. Most of the time I get focused on the minor things that seem not right to me, and I forget about being gratefull for everything here. Addicts tend to do that. They focus on every little negative thing, and assume that life is all like that. When I think of where I should be, but only by the grace of God am not, then I realize that I have been blessed. By all rights, I most likely should be in jail for the rest of my life if I were to ever be convicted of all the things that I got away with. I did live a very wrong life in my earlier years. Many times I should have been dead because of the insane drug use, and the constant mixing of alcohol. There is no doubt in my mind that God certainly was holding, and protecting me all those years. I believe that the reason I'm still here is that he has a purpose for me to fullfill, and he's not letting me go until that's done. I think, and believe that purpose is to work in recovery, using my experiance to help others. I don't know how that's ever going to happen, but I believe that God will provide a way when the time comes. Anyway, Dan was telling me about the people he works for. It seems like a very good company. Sounds like they are fair, and treat their people well. He said right now he's getting $15.00 an hour. Which is very good to start. Afterwards if things go well he'll get about $20.00 an hour. They have people that are getting more, depending on the experince they have. He says all they want is people that are willing to work hard. He said I would be perfect for the job. I'm going to get the number later and call them up. Dan doesn't have a licence, and if he can do it, I sure can. I have a good feeling about it. Still no site of Bob today. He said he was comming here, but he's been saying that all day. We had a talk last nite when we went to drop off my O.W. report. I'm going to try harder to just trust him. I've struggled with that for a few years now, ever since I've known him. A lot of things make me not want to trust him, but perhaps it's just the bussiness aspect of it. With people that rent from him, I often hear him lie about lots of things. When we are together and just talking it seems like he's a totally differant person. I believe that he really does want to help me, and he does. I have a hard time distinguishing the bussiness side of him, from his spiritual good nature. I want so much to believe in him, but it's just hard. It seems more of a real faith struggle more than anything else. Anyway, for now it's good, and progress is happening. So it's the weekend again. Nice to see the ladies out walking about, well at leest some. Being downtown you get a variety of differant shapes, sizes, and looks. thank you so much Lord for all that you help me with. My struggles, understanding of your ways, and the lessons you show me each day. Please continue to teach, and show me your ways. Help me to keep my mind open to the spiritual aspect of a life with you. I know I will never come anywhere near to knowing real spirituality, until I leave this body that you have given me to use. I do thank you for that. I thank you for these two cats you have brought into my life that show me how to love and care for them. I thank you for this home that you have given me. And most of all, I thank you for this peace of mind that your blessing me with. Thank you.