just a look back

Hmmm I had a good long time to ponder over our relationship during the chinese new year holidays. I realized that I've fallen deeper in love with you despite our fights. Maybe its because I finally see all the sides that makes you, you. On hindsight I was also looking back at one of my earlier relationships, the one that worked out so well despite it ending.
I wasn't looking back at my relationship with Angel because I had thoughts of going back to her, that ship has long left the harbor. It was more like why did it work despite all my differences with Angel? I think i was much more innocent then, I was gracious, kind and much more thoughtful and she rewarded me with emotional generosity and a gentle spirit. Then somehow over the years after that relationship ended I was just struck by one bad encounter after another.
It made me distrusting, selfish and terrified of getting my heart broken. I need to go back to that time again when I was the gentle innocent soul albeit my innocence is lost but I am at least wiser. I need to become that person again in order to love you the way that you deserve to be loved.