Just a boring day

Today has been mind-numbingly boring. My cousins are staying the night again which kind of sucks because I just want to be alone. I love them don't get me wrong but I am just getting kinda annoyed with constantly having them over here.

Their mom was already drunk like as soon as I got up (literally 11am) which was stressful to me and probably upsetting to them as well. I hate being around people who are under the influence it makes me anxious I don't like it. And I'm sure they don't want to see their mom drunk either. Every time she comes here She always smells like alcohol she has driven them around with alcohol in her system multiple times. 

I just put tons of work into the cake like 3 days of work and now I am just feeling incredibly low (everyone loved it and i was happy about that but that is not why I feel bad). I want to bake more but sometimes I feel like I'm going a little crazy because how invested I get. It drains me completely I just want to make amazing things and when everyone says all the nice stuff to me after it feels nice. But then it is over and I feel sucky. Idk I just am trying to give myself a break because I know I need to stop pushing myself so hard.

I have been very stressed and I think making big extravagant things makes it worse. The next thing I plan on baking is just plain old cupcakes but I'm gonna try a new scratch recipe and just do some fun new decorating ideas I found. Nothing too big and stressful just a fun thing to try and better my skills. 

People always say pushing yourself is good but there is a limit and I think it's important to realize that. But people always tell me to "just keep pushing" even when i can tell i shouldn't go farther. But when i try to explain it they dont listen. No one feels what i feel, I know that. But it just sucks that I will probably always push too far because I want to get more done.

Idk just rambling here. I feel pretty empty today I just want something good to happen today. Hoping my sister will bring me some kind of fast food or something. Good food always makes me happy. I had a horrible nigjt so I could use some goodness in my day. Woke up at 3am in a very panicked state. Haven't felt that in a while. Finally got back to sleep at like 7am but I'm still like really tired right now. 

I just feel like I am not even here today. Really freaking sucks. Getting out of bed makes it worse im kinda upset about seeing everyone I just want to be alone. I guess that would suck too though. Idk anymore just hoping to feel better soon.