Just Sad
I feel like the only thing you all hear from me is sadness. I am just so lonely, so broken and I do not know what to do! I miss Marissa SO SO much. I really do not see how I will ever be able to fully live again. I make myself go to work everyday but other than that the only thing I ever want to do is walk around the house looking at Marissa's pics, her stuff, trying to find something of her I havent seen in a while. My husband says he misses me, I miss me too. I dont know who I am anymore, I want to feel better so bad! Marissa would want me to feel better! Her laying in that hospital bed when her body was in shock just keeps popping in my head! Why! Someone please tell me how to feel at peace with this!! I am so lonely
Replies
Tight tight hugs. It is so very hard. I believe you will feel better one day. Your loss is still an open wound. I understand your husband\'s and you missing you. The old you is no more. But you will become a new you - able to laugh and enjoy life. It takes time - one breath at a time.
I hope you are seeking help to navigate these stormy waters.
Love and tight hugs,
Marlene
Early grief is so all-consuming! I agree with Marlene. The old you is gone but you will one day find a new you who can one day enjoy some things again. It may not be the same things but there will be new things.
Hugs,
Leda
It\'s okay that we hear sadness from you BECAUSE you are sad and have every right to be sad! The grief of losing a child is gut wrenching and no one, not even husbands feel what moms feel. I am so so sorry...my heart hurts with you. Praying for moments of peace.
((((hugs)))) Vicki
{{{HUGS}}} What you are feeling and going through is so very \"normal\". Don\'t expect so much of yourself, be kind. You will never be who you were, the key is finding the new you. It is a long so very slow process. We are here for you. Hugs, Ann
I felt so lonely, too. Somehow I pushed everyone away and then wondered where they all were. This is a lonely path we\'re on and thank goodness for the women on FMO because you don\'t need to explain anything to us. Or apologize. We know how you are feeling because we stood in your shoes. We felt many of the same things you are feeling. Seven years in to my journey without Max, I can tell you I smile and feel happy. I don\'t know when things will begin to change for you but I know that given time, love, gentleness and support - they will. Grief is not something we get over. We learn to live with it. Please know we are here for you. Be gentle with yourself and take things one day at a time.
Gari
I remember my sister asking, with the best of intentions, when I would be \"me\" again and my answer was NEVER! Where it is much gentler now, 2 years, 2 months, 2 weeks and 1 day since I kissed Jason\'s lifeless body, I will never be the \"me\" she was referring to. How can I be???? By definition, the person that I was does not exist now. I am different, I am forever changed and yet, I will promise you, standing where I am now, that it will become more gentle and more familiar to live in my world now. I go to work, part time, leave and I am exhausted and can not wait to get home to my familiar and comfortable surroundings. Your husband is struggling with not only the loss of a child, but the undeniable loss of \"his wife\", as he knew her. It is a huge adjustment for everyone. And it just is...
tightest of hugs, remember to breathe...
Merrilee
when I found this site,,, I came here not to be lonely and it helped,,, I still hold Morgan\'s things,,,, I don\'t walk around so much anymore,,, I did,,, I did lots of wandering in the house just looking,,, asking.... you are never alone here,,, and I keep the tv on for the noise so my mind doesn\'t go back to the horrid place... it helped me... but the tv is on 24 / 7! love ya!
This is what grief looks and feels like. You are doing everything that I did and still do. It is part of this path that takes feeling everything as you are and it hurts beyond words...
Give yourself so much wiggle room and tender loving care to know that there is nothing wrong with you. You are a woman who is having to make her way through the greatest challenge that could have ever been brought her way.
You are not alone on this lonely path and are surrounded by those who will carry your heart when it feels as if hurts too much to carry it yourself.
So much understanding and tender care from me to you,
XO Joanie
grief is so unpredictable. My whole life has changed since my son died. I don\'t want to be with any friends, I don\'t like crowds of people, and I always feel like there is a huge void. I so miss my Ralph, and raising him was such a privilege. Take care of yourself,
Chris