Just sad....
1-12-11: I just have been feeling really down, again. I miss Scott so much. For a while, although I always miss him, I was not having the gut wrenching pain. But, here it is again...
I wonder if it is the weather, the length of time without Scott, the other struggles in our family, losing my mom, or what? Maybe all of the above.
I am thinking of going back to counseling. The flashbacks are returning, too. I hate this journey, now, as much as I ever did. Maybe more. It is the never-ending journey and unrelenting! It just exhausts me.
I wonder if it is the weather, the length of time without Scott, the other struggles in our family, losing my mom, or what? Maybe all of the above.
I am thinking of going back to counseling. The flashbacks are returning, too. I hate this journey, now, as much as I ever did. Maybe more. It is the never-ending journey and unrelenting! It just exhausts me.
Replies
It could be alittle of the above things that you talked about. I know when I am couped in the house for a long time in the winter I have so many more down day than when I am on the go. You do what ever you think is best for you if it is going back to counseling then so be it...Love U Connie
So understandable my friend. I do think the holidays, the long winters, other losses... all compound our grief. If you are having the nudge to go back to counseling it may be precisely what is needed at this time. Sending you what you need just for today and I suspect some loving comfort for your aching mother\'s heart. I know... I\'ve been feeling it too a lot this week. I\'m with you. Much love, Joanie
Dear Ginger, I know. Some days I say to myself \"so this is how it is now.This is what my life turned into? This exhaustion,always longing,always sadness!\" And I hate it too. It makes me so angry. Then other days I think, yes,I will always have this underlying sadness, but I\'m doing ok. I\'m starting to integrate my loss & feel Eddie with me. The Zoloft helps - I actually
planned to journal about that today since I know some moms are considering meds. Counseling did help me but it ended on 9/27 since my insurance thinks I\'m cured- well the joke\'s on them -i\'m not! I think for me that\'s the worst part. We will suffer this grief the rest of our lives. No,\"this too shall pass\" for us. Yes, the grief will ebb & flow but will never end. So sorry the pain is so intense now. I hope & pray it eases. Listen to your instincts. If you feel lead to pursue counseling find one that specializes in grief. Mine was wonderful & helped me a lot. As my friends here know, I quote her a lot. Sending love & prayers as I hold you and Scott in my heart. Linda
The endless waves of emotion are ever present. Trying to keep the status quo is such a challenge. There are so many factors that can trigger the memories....I have them too, I guess I always will. If you have access to counseling, it could be very helpful. I hope that today you can find reason to smile....Love and light, Rebecca
The ebb and flow of grief, hoping it eases soon and the light of SCOTT gets through to your aching heart. Hugs and love, Lynette ~ Matthews mom
Go back to the counseling, it helps to talk and have someone understand.
peace to your heart, Nora
Ginger, It comes and goes sweet mom. I have cried all the way home all week. First it was Nathan\'s birthday January 2nd. And now with the congress women being shot through the brain, it has effected me more than I thought it would. Nathan was shot in the head. But he died instantly. I\'m so glad she is surviving, but why couldn\'t my sweet Nathan?:( And so I cry. I will cry with you today. Heart to heart, Danette
Yes, grief is so exhausting! I noticed my \"season\" this year....Nov til Jan midish...was much sadder than others. That\'s the way I\'ve felt anyways. No screams, no out of control sobs...but a heavy, sad, weight was with me as never before. I don\'t know...maybe it is the lenght of time or the weather. Whatever it is, I don\'t really care for it. Though I must admit, today I\'m on a high thank to Dale and...oh, geez, can\'t remember who wrote about THRIVE?? Anyways, thanks to these two incredible moms, I\'m flying. Fickle thing this grief, huh? Hang in there my darling, I\'m right beside you in spirit. Love and hugs, Teri.
It IS exhausting...I agree with everyone...it is all things that contribute...and when we are worn out by our \"lives\"...it snowballs...and we realize our loss and it just stirs it all up...keep plugging along...love to you...Karen
the journey we are on is so difficult. The flashbacks of losing my son in my arms haunts me also. I have also been missing my son more than ever 5 years later. My love is with you.