June 8th

Today is my wedding anniversary. 17 years ago today, I married my best friend, my lover, the father of my children, my soul mate, my confident, the love of my high school youth and the only man I've known. Today, he is not here. Today is a day on the calendar that started like many others, but soon became very special. No card, no surprise, no one to celebrate it with. It now holds new meaning. "The first wedding anniversary without him." The song "dirty, little secret" comes to mind. Probably means nothing to anyone else but this day has special meaning to me. I will make my way to the cemetary today. I will not mention it to anyone else, because God knows you are supposed to say "Happy Anniversary" when it's someone's anniversary. I will not put that burden on anyone to figure out what to say. What a bitter feeling on such a memorable day. Tears will flow, cleansing me of my misfortune and loss. Somehow, it will turn into something better. But today, I only know the sadness of missing my loved one, my husband, my protector and the one who could comfort me on a day like today.