June 25th 2011
No sure if it's the depression, life, or that I stopped taking my meds...But I'm not happy. Well, I'm never happy but lately it's been worse. I feel myself getting more frustrated with people, and my thoughts are back to keeping me up at night. I cry for no reason (other times I know why) And I'm so sick of people asking me what's wrong or why I look so sad. I really want to stop taking my meds and honestly was slowly beginning to feel this way before I stopped taking them, so I'm inclined to think that this isn't just because I stopped taking them. I don't feel like I have sat down and had a conversation with a friend in a long time, so maybe it's because I feel as though I'm holding things in. I try, but I think because of the long gap now I feel like no one is really listening to me anymore.
Nothing new has really happened. The older that I get the more embarrassed I become of myself. I haven't really achieved anything in my lifetime and I have no plans to fix that...Mostly because I don't know how.It seems that every attempt is a failure...And only sets me back even farther. I'm tired of people telling me it's going to bet better because I'm 23 and it still hasn't. I don't feel like I really matter to anyone. Maybe when people try I feel suffocated...Or I can just sense they are lying to make me stop crying. I think I'm so far in a fantasy that things are really better for other people that I'm disgusted with everything God gave me. Or maybe it does suck for everyone else too, in which case I should just shut up and take it...
Nothing new has really happened. The older that I get the more embarrassed I become of myself. I haven't really achieved anything in my lifetime and I have no plans to fix that...Mostly because I don't know how.It seems that every attempt is a failure...And only sets me back even farther. I'm tired of people telling me it's going to bet better because I'm 23 and it still hasn't. I don't feel like I really matter to anyone. Maybe when people try I feel suffocated...Or I can just sense they are lying to make me stop crying. I think I'm so far in a fantasy that things are really better for other people that I'm disgusted with everything God gave me. Or maybe it does suck for everyone else too, in which case I should just shut up and take it...
Replies
you is important to me hun :D you are a very good friend, if you ever need to talk, just hit me up on messanger kk? i am always availible unless driving or sleepin
No, I want to talk to you while you are driving j/k
I am so sorry you are feeling so bad.
No, I can\'t promise you that things will get better. But I can say, you are a lovely, kind, good, funny, caring person who deserves better. You don\'t for a second deserve to feel such pain or hurt and you certainly don\'t deserve to feel like a failure, when you are not.
You have helped me feel better about myself, I\'ve seen how kind and caring you are to others, the good in you just shines through. You\'ve never \"failed\" at being a generous, kind and good friend, you\'ve never done anything other than be an awesome success at that!
Mate, it is hard at the moment, everyday I feel like a failure when I have tried so hard - but I am older than you and my life is no better, I have a shitty job, no friends, no home and really no idea how I\'d ever get those things. All I can say, is that for me, the people I care about, the people I think are important aren\'t the ones who\'d be called successful, the ones I think are successes at being a human, are the good ones, the nice ones.
I am so pleased \"God\" made you, I wish they\'d give you more and let you feel happy or at least let you understand that other people think you are great.
Take care of yourself Friend, Hugs
Thank you