June 23, 2010
I woke up this morning to a email in my inbox from my dad. It said a lot about how we don't talk much, and how concerned he is for me. He said I'm too smart to be unemployed for this long, and that he doesn't think I'm trying hard enough. All I could say is "I hear you" Yes I don't try hard enough, I feel too depressed most days to even change out of my PJ's... I don't understand how other depressed people do it. I have pushed myself to the extreme many times. I have been to so many interviews where I was belittled and put down. I can't do this anymore. I guess I'm just not strong like other people. I feel as though my back has been broken. I try to carry all this weight and I just collapse to my knees.
Replies
I hope you lick this depression soon I\"m going on 43 and time flies and things get out of hand. Still I don\'t have a clue. I\' m tere for you.... xxxxx
Sounds like he loves you and offering encouragement. Also sounds like he\'s unsure of how to do it, because he does not know what you need. Might be good to talk to him. Just a thought. HUGS!!!!!
u are strong!! how else wouuld u have made it this long. u are trying soo hard ..give urself credit!
Just give yourself a chance... You will know when you are ready... Maybe all you need is a song to gear you up one morning and you\'ll be ready to try it again. Gotta try to get on the horse of life sometimes... even if you\'re pretty sure you may fall off again it\'s worth the ride... just keep telling yourself you have nothing to lose but to try... You are strong enough... just believe in yourself... cause everyone else does. :)
PS. I agree with Smileybear... sounds like he\'s worried and just doesn\'t know what to say right and keeps messing it up... but he writes, and askes, and tries...
I\'m sure you\'ll put your intelligence into things that will improve your life.
ah mate that sucks, it is so hard... I know just in my family communication isn\'t good and the rest are all successful, so I look \"lazy, stupid\" etc etc... often that\'s just me looking at things weird, or mis.... I don\'t know, misconversating with people. If you and your dad don\'t speak much then he has only a little of you to judge on, you are a wonderful person and it is HARD now to find work, I spent 6 months looking and I am sure in part volunteering meant I got priority, it isn\'t fair or right and it is a horrible disspirting process. Your dad is concerned.... maybe, and I don\'t know, if you could arrange to spend a day with him more often, you don\'t have to talk about you or anything just hang out and see if a more undrstanding attitude can be found or that at least he \"gets\" you and your circumstance more.
I think it is true but not in the way you maybe have read it, that you are too smart to be unemployed for long, but in the way I see it, it is cause a) you have an awful lot to offer the world and b) it must be so frustrating, it is so frustrating, to feel unwanted so early.... you aren\'t unwanted at all and had it been just five years earlier (about the time I started looking, there just were more jobs) I think apart from the not working and lack of money, some of the most soul destroying things are just having nothing to do, esp. coming from uni/ school and having just in a way continally been graded or achieved, now it just seeming so big (still does....) I think in a way, keeping busy and doing stuff helps, is weird but I think it is like buses or whatever, they always happen when you don\'t expect it... I don\'t know.
I think in part depression can be totally exhaserbated by your circumstance, not working, not seeing friends because of embaressment, being bored etc makes it all the harder, it really is difficult to be trapped with your thoughts all day or to wake up and think why bother and really have no answer....
Sadly I think, and I know this is so hard to do, but it has to be driven at least part by you, finding some thing to fill time in a way you feel is positive.... learn an instrument, volunteer - I did SCA archeaology in Cali, they paid flights (from the UK!, gave kinda a living salary (only $70 a week - but... free accomodation, loads of free fresh food... I actually saved money!) and I got to wander around in a forest getting lost often for months, was amazing.... But whatever you\'d like to do. You are strong, you are good, you are my friend and you make me happier, you are smart, you are able and you can do it.
Interviews are horrible, I\'m sorry you felt belittled by them, I know it\'s not much comfort, but from my old (haha) view it is true what they say that those who feel like they need to make others feel small probably are simply intimidated and insecure themselves, they can\'t make themselves feel good on their own merits so they try and make others feel worse than them, its rubbish and I am sorry you have had to put up with them.... in the non-cheesiest fashion, you are better than them.
You deserve some good fortune, I\'ll cross my fingers and toes for you! You deserve a break, you deserve some time to rest and get re-enthused, you deserve happiness and good things. Just take your time, it will come to you and beating yourself up about circumstances truly beyond your control isn\'t fair on you, smile you are ace!
(sorry for rambling!)
And I have tiny baby frogs! About my thumbnail size! YAY!!!!
Thank you everyone (hugs)