July 30th 2013

I awoke this morning to my parents "talking loudly towards each other" aka FIGHTING.  Of course their topic was my dads drinking, my mom kept saying I know you are doing something just admit it and he said I have nothing to admit, I haven't done anything.  Well most of the time when my mom suspects him of drinking or something shes right, but sometimes shes wrong.  She loves to hold it over his head and even when shes wrong say "well you know I have every right to think that you did"... HOW IS THIS HELPING ANYONE! It isn't helping him get better, it isn't helping her to feel better and it certainly didn't help me to wake up to this BS. I know I am not an expert, I have been to two meetings and read a few pages out of my books but I know enough now to not fight with him, I think I knew that before I even went to the meetings.  It doesn't help him if you accuse him of drinking it just PROVOKES it.  Just take the keys and walk away, if he asks why say, for your safety and everyone elses, and then cool off and talk about it later. if he is drunk he'll either A. GET DRUNKER B. FALL ASLEEP C. GET MAD and then you'll know and if hes not he'll be rational about it because when he's not drinking hes fine. END OF STORY. No fighting needed...
gurr, they woke me up on the wrong side of the bed.  I have a new philosophy about it ... LETTING IT GO. I can't control it I can't spend my whole life worrying about it anymore I have spend so many days lost in my head from all the worrying I won't let myself do this anymore. 
I went to my meeting alone last friday, I took what I could from it and will keep coming back, I want to get better, I want to deal with my pent up issues, I am twenty four years old and I act like I am eighty four, I am pent up with issues and shit I just need to Let them go, I need to quit worrying (it sucks for my anxiety) and just enjoy life. 
On a good note, yesterday I got a letter in the mail and I have been asked to become a member of the Sigma Theta Tau Honor Society for Nurses. I couldn't be happier I have been trying hard at school and will be wearing honor cords at graduation this spring! YESSS! ONE GOAL ACCOMPLISHED and it was from the hard work and dedication I put into my schooling.