July 2, 2020 - A memory

      While doing strength training, I suddenly remembered something that happened in sophomore year. I was nodding off in my second period AP European History when I was startled awake by the teacher loudly lecturing me. For contect he was old and white. He was a well-loved teacher, albeit somewhat strict, and he often liked to give us "life advice" that nobody asked for. I remember the gist of what he said was that it didn't matter what my grades were, if I kept this up I was going to fail in life. I remember sitting there in shock, not even thinking of talking back. 

      Afterwards I felt guilty about nodding off, and I would remember it in the back of my head for the rest of the year. Now, when I look back on it, part of me wants to interpret it as  another old teacher telling us "youngsters" how our problems don't mean anything and lecturing us on how we don't respect our elders enough. I remember why I was nodding off; it was because I was exhausted, and I hadn't gotten enough sleep. I hadn't been able to get enough sleep since school started. So was I being disrespectful for following my natural biological tendencies? Was I being lazy? Was I being a failure? 

      I've met some kind teachers who acknowledge the stress and health problems, whether mental or physical, high schoolers are often under. Especially those who were taking AP classes like I was. These old teachers though, with thier misunderstanding or outright dismissal of us as lazy hooligans, really really rub me the wrong way.