July 15, 2011

Dear Fred:
Today I did errands.   Didn't get them all done but got the more important one taken care of.  Financial things are beginning to shape up.  Also the medical bills are about finished.  I have found new medical insurance. (expensive and won't do much other than a major trip to the hospital) but at least I have it... just in case.  I still need to work with the attorney & see if he can re-write the trust portion of my will concerning the cats.  I also need to still work with the English accounts.  After that I need to send thank you cards.
Tonight was Friday so it was dominoes night.  As usual, I lost.  Actually I don't mind losing.  The ladies I play dominoes with have played for a long time.  I'm just a newbey and am not very competitive.  The game is fun and I enjoy the Friday night activity.
I am getting by by simply not allowing myself to think about how life has changed.  I still cannot believe Nick is dead.  He just can't be.  He was so alive.  I have to pretend that he has just left me.... a business trip, another woman.  It doesn't matter, just so he has just left me.  I can handle that.  I cannot accept that he is dead.  Just writing it causes great pain.  Part of me keeps thinking that the cosmos will wake up & realize this has all been a huge mistake and bring him back. Well, enough of that.
I think I'll head for bed with a book,  Thank you Fred for listening.
Darlene 7/15/2011