July 1, 2011 Canada Day
33 years ago today, I married my best friend. This horrible horrible crappy awful hurtful lonely sad unfair miserable heartbreaking journey I am on is not getting better, in fact I am crying all the time. It is Canada Day today, it was always "our" day. We had a big party to celebrate our 30th anniversary and I am so greatful we did. I miss my Beloved Pat so much. I find pennies and know he is still with me, and he always will be.
Replies
I can so relate to the \'duration\' of our suffering. Mine is a \'settled\' suffering of acceptance and I simply have internalized it as part of the existence of my Bob that I feel within me at all times. I miss the \'external\' reality of him but so much of what my life was while he was here with me has had to be \'put to rest\' as I have survived the resulting crisis of coping with a severe disability alone. It is indeed a \'strange\' reality I find myself \'adjusting\' to but it is simply a reality I am \'forced\' to accept as life.
I feel so much for your suffering. I can share that, for me, the pain has \'changed\' its form somewhat over the years and it is simply a part of my reality and is incorporated into the \'sensing\' I now have of my husband being with me in this life.
I send you thoughts of hope, peace and comfort.
:-) Patricia
Those special days seem to be the hardest...and just when you think you are having a good a a memory or song brings you right back to the loneliness and pain...there is a country song called \"If Heaven wasn\'t so Far away\" every time I hear it ..it makes me think of my dear husband, my Dad, Sister, Grandmother....and I hope they are all together and one day I will see them again...hugs, Ellen
We never asked for this horrible journey that we are on now without the love of our lives and best friends. I still am filled with sadness and I do cry. I miss Smokey so much. Once you lose your best friend and the love of your life, the heart aches for what it has lost. I think we just live with the hole in our hearts because nothing or no one can replace our loss. We just have to go on living the life that your Pat and my Smokey would want us to live. From Diane B.
He\'s still with you, deep in your heart, and always will be. Your beautiful love for Pat shines through your journal entries.
We met in July, married in July (not the same year, obviously) and David died in July.
I spent Canada day with my children and even though I just wanted to stay home and cocoon, I felt better for going out.
Sending peace and gentle hugs your way, from across the country.