journaling through a little dilemma. it helps.
sorry for journaling twice on the same day. guess i gotta get it outta my system. made the appt to see doc heather Friday. worried about being able to drive. so i work up all of my courage and call Sam.
Linda and Stephanie won't be there on Friday, his Dad is in Oklahoma......the intern will be there but hasn't enough experience to take over in Sam's absence. He feels terrible turning me down, I could hear it in his voice.......and I made it off the phone without crying. And then as soon as I hung up I did cry.
If I can't go, then I can't go. I will wait and see how it goes. If my back is better enough that I can go I will.......if it's too painful I can't take pain killers and drive. I get too wonky ......spaced out. It's a dilemma, but not the end of the world. Sometimes it feels like it.......but it's not.
An answer will be provided......one always is. Guess this is how to work through the anxiety. It takes 45 minutes to an hour travel time each way. If I have to postpone the DMV to renew my parking placard that is ok, still have enough time left to wait awhile. And if I have to wait on getting meds I have one week of medicine left........see talking it through helps.
Saying this to me, gotta buck up and remain calm......when the pain is high it's harder to cope day after day .......it's not that pain from other conditions aren't difficult, because they are, but when my back is messed up, it also travels into my hips, bursar.......feels like everything is knotted up and on fire at the same time. told one friend that yesterday the pain was a fifteen........today it's rotating from a 7 to a 9. It's painful but compared to yesterday it's manageable with baby steps.
so grateful to have a clean house, i just wrote a thank you note to the team for all the fine work they did! have ya'll ever seen a backpack vacuum cleaner w/crazy cool attachments? I never had until yesterday, it's lightweight too. Soooooo cool. I'm sure it's professional grade so probably too rich for my blood, but me likey allotty!
i feel so much better after writing this out about my doc travel worries...........if I can't go I can cancel Thursday to spare the expense of an appt time and resched for the following week. There, a decision is made.......... i think this self talk went pretty well, i'm not crying anymore and feel calm again. yay.
the sky is dark, guess more rain is coming........later ya'll.
Linda and Stephanie won't be there on Friday, his Dad is in Oklahoma......the intern will be there but hasn't enough experience to take over in Sam's absence. He feels terrible turning me down, I could hear it in his voice.......and I made it off the phone without crying. And then as soon as I hung up I did cry.
If I can't go, then I can't go. I will wait and see how it goes. If my back is better enough that I can go I will.......if it's too painful I can't take pain killers and drive. I get too wonky ......spaced out. It's a dilemma, but not the end of the world. Sometimes it feels like it.......but it's not.
An answer will be provided......one always is. Guess this is how to work through the anxiety. It takes 45 minutes to an hour travel time each way. If I have to postpone the DMV to renew my parking placard that is ok, still have enough time left to wait awhile. And if I have to wait on getting meds I have one week of medicine left........see talking it through helps.
Saying this to me, gotta buck up and remain calm......when the pain is high it's harder to cope day after day .......it's not that pain from other conditions aren't difficult, because they are, but when my back is messed up, it also travels into my hips, bursar.......feels like everything is knotted up and on fire at the same time. told one friend that yesterday the pain was a fifteen........today it's rotating from a 7 to a 9. It's painful but compared to yesterday it's manageable with baby steps.
so grateful to have a clean house, i just wrote a thank you note to the team for all the fine work they did! have ya'll ever seen a backpack vacuum cleaner w/crazy cool attachments? I never had until yesterday, it's lightweight too. Soooooo cool. I'm sure it's professional grade so probably too rich for my blood, but me likey allotty!
i feel so much better after writing this out about my doc travel worries...........if I can't go I can cancel Thursday to spare the expense of an appt time and resched for the following week. There, a decision is made.......... i think this self talk went pretty well, i'm not crying anymore and feel calm again. yay.
the sky is dark, guess more rain is coming........later ya'll.
Replies
The best recipe is \'getting it out\'.... I am glad that you feel much better, it\'s therapy here, huh? Self-talk works, as long as you don\'t answer back LOL... xxoo
Guess I better get started on some self talk and talk some sense into my self . I\'m a train wreck today. No sleep last night , wiped out and major leaking eyeballs.So if you can pull it together with all that pain, then surely I can . I\'ll make you my hero of the day.Happy you are in spring clean ville now.Bye, Di xo
I understand how you are feeling. I think we all do this (at least I know *I* do) at times and usually things work out WAY better than the scenario we imagine or fret about. I hope you get some good news about this soon or feel well enough to drive without meds. I pray for a great solution for you!