Journal for Saturday
Saturday:
This morning in service I found myself thinking about 'simplification.'
The church is very much a place for simplification of human relationships.
A streamlining and a whole way of life to handle the complexities of life
and understanding it. I've learned to hold back my own passions here
as well as come to understanding from people who are limited here
as well as talented.
I've thought of concepts and observations to help me know how to behave,
what to understand and so forth and systems too. To understand how some people look at me
and think "man" or "priest" rather than a whole person or if they know me as Mark.
I thought about my own passions and the idea of keeping those in check.
Everyone has them- but I also found while being on this kind of platform
with my passions, I noticed my mood swings way high and way low.
I lean towards reacting, I lean towards surmising a suspicion or a rage
but I know not to go with it.
I also know that life is complex enough - but worry that with a sense of
a simplified life I will grow fallow and unable to survive. But I am in a safe
place and I have my support system to remind me of important things.
I know that the European Union under the lead of Christine LaGarde has
been talking about simplification as well. I think that's in all ways for the EU
to deal with aspects of business and life. It was a comfort to have my ideas
and then be reminded of their accuracy by Christine LaGarde's work.
I need to clean my room and do errands right now. I just got back from services and morning meal. I will hang with Blue and then get started on things.
And later today:
So grateful for Blue tonight. I just took myself out for a lavish meal and drinks. Now I am home and we are sharing secrets about our day. Life hurts but I am so grateful to be home. Blue is home. My friends are home. My family is home.
Though I know we each have to make our own way and life. Blue is definitely feeling like home.
Replies
Big squishy hug sweetie
I'm sure that there are those who do see you as your title as a Priest as they haven't gotten to know the whole person
I know that sometimes it can be hard to hold back anger with BP
Good for you sweetie for finding the best way you can to deal with it
Sometimes I have a potty mouth
I don't know why but at times swearing can relieve the tension
Big hug sweetie...xo
Thanks Jan!!
It’s impressive how much insight you have into your passions and emotional responses. Being able to notice these feelings without acting on them shows a lot of self-awareness and strength. I think it's natural to feel tension between enjoying a simpler life and wanting to stay fully alive and engaged, especially in your environment.
I’m glad you have the support of your family, friends, and Blue (and us!), and that you have a safe space to process, relax, and connect. In time, I hope those at the monastery truly see you as the whole, thoughtful person you are. (It's their loss, if they don't.) Hugs.
THANK YOU JUDY!! Happy Easter!!