Journal Entry for 5/15/11
I notice I have some activity regarding messages and responses to posts I've made...promise I'll get to those tonight, everyone.
So, yesterday was...just awful. It felt like I had to spill everything in my journal entry, but one of my friends -- you know who you are -- put up with me anyway and said enough privately to pull me out of red...and finally get me to sleep.
Once I did (it still took a little longer than it should have), I was out cold. Gone. Bye. Adios. I can't say with any confidence that my head is clear this morning, I slept so hard. Obviously this points to problems with among other things relaxing...but I just don't know what to do. I can't even say the interests on my home page are the ones I really want...I just seem to be having "kicks" with them right now.
And that's why I had to label this entry as anxious. I'm starting my mood chart today (I printed 8 weeks' worth and will do more if it looks like it's helping by then). I know that knowledge is power (again, thanks to my friends for that little tidbit), but I'm very afraid of what I might find out about me.
I'm afraid I might find out that making any real inroads will take longer than I really have a safe window for (the fall semester, when I will almost certainly have to go for four courses, is closer than I want to admit).
I also fear that what I come up with for solutions (whenever that may be) won't be enough. Learning is one thing, but actually doing it is another.
I admit it...I'm guilty of fortune telling here. But what else am I going to do...hold the feelings in? I don't think I can safely do that. So I'm choosing to let them out here.
So, yesterday was...just awful. It felt like I had to spill everything in my journal entry, but one of my friends -- you know who you are -- put up with me anyway and said enough privately to pull me out of red...and finally get me to sleep.
Once I did (it still took a little longer than it should have), I was out cold. Gone. Bye. Adios. I can't say with any confidence that my head is clear this morning, I slept so hard. Obviously this points to problems with among other things relaxing...but I just don't know what to do. I can't even say the interests on my home page are the ones I really want...I just seem to be having "kicks" with them right now.
And that's why I had to label this entry as anxious. I'm starting my mood chart today (I printed 8 weeks' worth and will do more if it looks like it's helping by then). I know that knowledge is power (again, thanks to my friends for that little tidbit), but I'm very afraid of what I might find out about me.
I'm afraid I might find out that making any real inroads will take longer than I really have a safe window for (the fall semester, when I will almost certainly have to go for four courses, is closer than I want to admit).
I also fear that what I come up with for solutions (whenever that may be) won't be enough. Learning is one thing, but actually doing it is another.
I admit it...I'm guilty of fortune telling here. But what else am I going to do...hold the feelings in? I don't think I can safely do that. So I'm choosing to let them out here.
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