journal

I woke up today and my right eye, which started to feel 'off' last night,

was really puffy and like focused off to the right of my vision when I looked in the mirror.

It might be a sty but I am not sure. Never had one before but I have seen them on my brother.

I went to work and did what I needed to do. Didn't always feel the enthusiasm today or even

pleasure at a job well done but I just kept at it - with my new googly eye getting the odd wince

from customers and coworkers lol. (It's funny in retrospect.)

I worked away and felt myself kind of tossed around by the random connection and disconnection

with my coworkers and customers. I felt tossed around and like life was showing me who I was...

I felt bad, and my mood was low, but I thought to keep that one foot forward best going. Just in the

sense that I wasn't going to react or believe what I was feeling as the absolute truth. I thought of

what this monk wrote about, that "We are what we think." I tried to keep my focus on productive thoughts

and I noticed that I started to watch my emotions more - and yet not fall prey to them. This helped me. I was also trying to keep ready for positive

connections when they came my way and they did. I got the final bits

of work done and then left to come back home.

I struggled, as I normally, do in transition to 'off work time' but not as much this time. I just started to watch my emotions a little more llike I did at work and then kept driving and was mindful of stuff - not a superstar - - still feeling at times low

at times relieved - just me faulty and all - - but ok with that. After I got home and took care of dressing and making lunch I felt freed up in a weird way. Freed up to fill up the day rather than in a panic to submerge my reality in pleasure or sublimation. So that's where I am at. I watched a favorite program and took a nap.