Josh's Birthday Week
First of all I want to thank you all for the hugs on Josh's birthday. They do mean the world to me. I love you all. Josh's birthday week started on the 4th. We had a road cleanup and had birthday cake for dessert. Like always the road cleanups for very emotional and exhausting. But I have to keep doing it for Josh, even though our turn out seems like it is getting smaller. But that is ok, as I know is friends are going their way in life and that is the way it should be. I wouldn't want it any other way. Then Monday rolls around. His birthday. To my surprise I did not shed a tear that day. Maybe I have cried them all out. At least that is what I thought. (Later down the line.) It's bad when people tell you they know it is the 6th but don't know what to say. How about HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JOSH FOR STARTERS. I know people don't know what to say to me even after almost eight years but at least say something. That way I know that remember. Well Monday passed. I came home on Wednesday to find out that one of my friends that I met in a support group I go to here in Goldsboro, lost her grandson to suicide. She lost her son Bill about 5 years ago now her grandson Riley only 19. Her heart is breaking watching her son Chris go through the same hurt as her and I. The funeral was last night. So so many young people there. It brought way to many bad memories for me. Crying time. I held it together until we where escorted out to speak with the family and the young people where all around us just sobbing. I totally had a melt down. I had to speak to my friend and get out of there. I was worse than the family. I could see it on John's face as well. So so hard. So I guess I haven't cried all my tears away. John and I went to dinner and ran into one of Josh's friends. He spoke but there again he didn't know what to say. This Friday we will be traveling to Asheville for one of Josh's friends wedding. He wants us to be there. Another hard thing to go through. Watching and hating that Josh missed out on this life changing events. So so heart breaking.
Just know that I love you all and hold you close to my heart.
Just know that I love you all and hold you close to my heart.
Replies
Sending you the tightest of hugs! Together we are walking our journey. Loving hugs, Debbie
I wanted to write last week,, I should have,,, last Sat night a man was in the restaurant and I saw him from the back and thought .... there\'s John!!! my thoughts were of you and said :hi Josh!!! when the man turned around ,,, what a disappointment.... but my thoughts were with you,,,,love ya!!!
I have found additional stress of comforting others during the tender times is very hard. Please take care of yourself and remember to breathe.
Hugs,
Leda
Funerals & weddings can be difficult for us, but especially if they involve a young person or a friend of our child. When they happen near the anniverary or birthday of our child, can make us extremely more emotional. Going out of our comfort zone to attend these events takes more courage than we thought we ever had. Wishing you two the strength to do the things you want to do.
There may be times though, that it\'s just too difficult to do the things we want to do & that\'s ok too. One day at a time.....one step at a time. I can just imagine Josh being so proud of whatever you can do.
Loving hugs.....Vicki
I am holding you in my heart always dearest Rhonda and your Josh. These passages of life that we witness without our children on this earth side are a reminder of what has been lost for now, I know, and it hurts terribly. Deepest of sighs...
You must remember too that you have used so much energy on behalf of your mama and it takes time to rebuild. This path we are on takes SO much from us and sometimes don\'t you feel as if everyone wants a piece of you?
I think of Josh every time I see a peace sign and of all who love him so.
With you and caring sweetest of friends.
Love YOU,
XO Joanie
I am so sorry. It always hurts when I hear that another mom is grieving the loss of a child. I understand how hard it is to attend the funeral of a young person. I think the family is in so much shock at that time, they seem okay. You know what is in store and it hurts more.
I wish you strength and peace at the wedding.
I don\'t think we will ever be out of tears. Maybe that is why I drink so much water!!
Love and hugs,
Marlene
I just wrote to you and lost it. Oh well, Just know that Josh is wrapping his arms around you. You are so strong to support your friend. Hugs Kathy
Oh Rhonda, I totally get what you\'re saying. It is so very very hard. Even when I\'m feeling okay, I break down and share tears with other parents who are hurting over the loss of their children. I find this especially true at my monthly \"The Compassionate Friends\" meetings. Unfortunately, so many newly bereaved parents have joined us and their tears are my tears as well.
And yes, it is heartbreaking to see the friends move forward, getting married, having children, etc. Although we are genuinely happy for them, we wish our child was present to experience all of the same things. (Sigh)
With an understanding hug and lots of love,
Diane
{{{HUGS}}}