Joke

The best way to describe our relationship is comparing it to Harley Quinn and The Joker, all that's missing is the physically abuse. One minute your happy with me. Smiling at me with love. The next you look at me as if I'm the worst most nasty person. Like you would rather be anywhere else. I tell you I'm tired and want go to the bedroom. You wine and ask me to play one more game. 8 games later you ask why I have an attitude. Say I don't wanna spend time. I stand up for myself. Asking for help around the house. At the end of the argument I'm apologizing for asking you for help cause it was wrong. We've been together for 6 years. I know you inside and out. I know youe mood by thw look on your face. But you cant even notice my struggle to stay present. To not dissociate. To not slip into the evil place in my head. I'm so tired that I can't fight my head. Can't ignore the hallucinations, can't hide the anxiety attacks. Everything building up I'm trying to hold on. Smoking use to help calm my head but I had to stop for your new job. You continue to drink while I had to stop because you believe that I can't control myself with how much I drink. I try to text my freinds and you get angry that I'm texting. I thought this was love, I guess this is all one big joke on me. I'm sorry this is so confusing. Things just started pouring.