Jerry Springer episode
Well, here I am today, hoping that things would be better. Little did I know that my H would end up in jail this evening.
After seeing my counselor today, I knew it was inevitable--we had to separate. Unfortunately, that was not an option for me. It was for him, though. He has family right here, and parents that live close by who have invited him with open arms to come stay with them through this time. But he has continued to refuse, steadfastly telling me that this house is HIS. Just because it is his name on the loan, we live in a community property state, and for the entire time we've had this house, I have earned just as much income as him.
I can't move. I can't find a place to rent in the small community we live in, and I refuse to move my kids out of everything they have grown up around and the school district they have always attended, and the friends that surround them, especially in this turbulent time.
My counselor advised me that if he still refused to move, then to call the sherrif's department to come out and try to make the process as peaceful as possible. I thought the nightmare was over when they convinced him to go stay with his parents for a while.
He left for the evening with much of his clothes, and I thought I might be able to breathe again. Until he came back over later and tried to sneak out with OUR guns (some of them I purchased). I refused to let him take them all. Needless to say, this enraged him. Moments later, I was screaming for my kids to come help me get daddy off of me. He had shoved me into the couch, then pinned me down and started to hit me. I have the bruises on my arms to prove it.
I called the Sheriff again. They arrested him on the spot, getting a statement from me, and much to my chagrin, my ten year old daughter. She was a witness. That just makes me sick.
This all came on the heels of him informing me that he is no longer going to pursue any kind of help. The day that he confessed his A, I was trying to be compassionate to his twisted mindset. I told him that if he actively sought help for himself, then I would play cordial with him and not hang him by the balls.
He broke his contract.
He broke our marriage vows.
He shattered my heart.
And tonight, he will wallow by himself in a county jail cell.
Oh, where is his precious little girlfriend when he needs her?
Oh, that's right. She's moved on with her life and already forgotten his sorry a**.
After seeing my counselor today, I knew it was inevitable--we had to separate. Unfortunately, that was not an option for me. It was for him, though. He has family right here, and parents that live close by who have invited him with open arms to come stay with them through this time. But he has continued to refuse, steadfastly telling me that this house is HIS. Just because it is his name on the loan, we live in a community property state, and for the entire time we've had this house, I have earned just as much income as him.
I can't move. I can't find a place to rent in the small community we live in, and I refuse to move my kids out of everything they have grown up around and the school district they have always attended, and the friends that surround them, especially in this turbulent time.
My counselor advised me that if he still refused to move, then to call the sherrif's department to come out and try to make the process as peaceful as possible. I thought the nightmare was over when they convinced him to go stay with his parents for a while.
He left for the evening with much of his clothes, and I thought I might be able to breathe again. Until he came back over later and tried to sneak out with OUR guns (some of them I purchased). I refused to let him take them all. Needless to say, this enraged him. Moments later, I was screaming for my kids to come help me get daddy off of me. He had shoved me into the couch, then pinned me down and started to hit me. I have the bruises on my arms to prove it.
I called the Sheriff again. They arrested him on the spot, getting a statement from me, and much to my chagrin, my ten year old daughter. She was a witness. That just makes me sick.
This all came on the heels of him informing me that he is no longer going to pursue any kind of help. The day that he confessed his A, I was trying to be compassionate to his twisted mindset. I told him that if he actively sought help for himself, then I would play cordial with him and not hang him by the balls.
He broke his contract.
He broke our marriage vows.
He shattered my heart.
And tonight, he will wallow by himself in a county jail cell.
Oh, where is his precious little girlfriend when he needs her?
Oh, that's right. She's moved on with her life and already forgotten his sorry a**.
Replies
Oh Heart! I am so sorry to hear all of this! You have been so strong and so positive through everything. That piece of shit obviously does not deserve you! What, he\'s going to attack you in front of your children??? UNBELIEVABLE. He\'s going to realize what a HUGE fuck-up he is, and it\'s going to be too late for him! What an asshole!
I am so here for you....you keep that head up, girl!
How are the kids doing?
Heart, don\'t hesitate to keep yourself and your kids safe! Do everything you can and have to. Now is your time.
So sorry for all of this for you. My jaw must have hit the floor as I read your journal. I am just floored.
Keep him away from you. His family sounds as if they are enabling him? Man I hope not. Time for his feet to hit the fire, so to speak.
How will he handle spending the night in jail? If he were in my state, any charge of domestic violence? There can be no GUNS in anyone\'s possession. I urge you to check this out.
Sending much love and support.
L~
Wow, you\'re right, pretty much Springer style. It concerns me about the guns as I wonder whether this is his first time hitting you. I understand that feelings get very escalated, and things get very unpredictable. I\'m just glad he didn\'t threaten you with a gun. Now you\'ve got to be concerned about getting those guns out of his possession when he gets out in a few days. Even in his mom\'s house or family or friends, not a good idea, if he has access.
Another problem with this scenario, is now he\'s gonna have a police record for being arrested. Not good either, regarding jobs. Don\'t know whether he has one at present or not, but is difficult to get one (in this economy), let alone with a record. I\'m bringing this up on your behalf, because if he is to provide some child suppport and possibly spousal support (even if only a year on spousal), ya kinda want him to have a job, to be able to honor the commitment.
Right now, I\'d get those finances in gear. Check with an attorney or paralegal, and check out your funds, singularly or joint accounts, and get a nest egg prepared if possible. Ya can\'t squeeze blood from a rock! And that might make things even tougher for you and kids. Im glad you have a job, but hope it\'s enough to temporarily keep ya afloat financially.
Sorry, for your situation, and hope things settle down a bit! Best of luck, and do your homework!
Oh sweetey I\'m so sorry! No one deserves to be physically abused. Good thing he is in jail. You need to file a restraining order. It\'s a tragedy your kids saw him hit you.... this will scar them deeply forever. My prayers are with them.
I\'m sorry girl! Take care of yourself and your kids. You H scares me! And yes, you have a right to half that house legally. Don\'t give that right up!
wow Heartbroken! Sooooooo sorry that your kids had to see the abuse.....however, repeat after me....THE ABUSE MY CHILDREN WITNESSED WAS NOT MY FAULT AND WAS COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONTROL. God has a plan....it took the my now ex h threatening to load my children into the truck so dead drunk he couldn\'t walk straight before I called the police and filed the next morning for a VPO......No guns for him!!! I pray that you and the kids feel the love of the Lord\'s arms arnoung you as you walk through this valley. Hugs from OKC!! Cindi
Thank you guys all for the support. I spoke with the county attorney today, and she said it looks as if he will be bailing out. However, his bail states that until he goes before a judge next month and pleads his case, he is to have no contact with me. This is not an isolated incident, its just the first time that I have taken action. I have been kicked in the back, had holes knocked in the wall where he missed me, and once lit my foot on fire.
I have put up with it for so long, lingering on to the good times. there were many of them. But it\'s not a healthy trade off.
I hope I made the right decision. At least I can breathe for the moment, knowing that he is sitting in jail and away from me.
Hats off to your for your strength. I am feeling real down and was searching for a journal that would encourage me and make me feel empowered and I read yours about the girl scout event. I needed to hear that. My birthday is tomorrow and my ex-bf dumped me on my birthday last year so now my birthdays are especially harder for me. Thanks for writing your journal about the girl scouts.