january 8,2014

so i was on facebook and my cousin was on i let her know that my dad goes to court the 13th of january for his second appearance her mom (my dads sister) made her promise not to talk to anyone about my dad. i know that i alienated the family when i said something my aunt doesnt want her to talk because of things possibly getting to my dads x-wife and legal reasons the x-wife thing well... he did the same thing to her daughter when she was 14 her daughter is only 6 months older than i am she treated me like family she was there for me when my mother died she never tried to take my moms place she never said anything bad about her she treated me as if i were her own how can i not still stay in contact and talk to her about things? she is the only mom-like figure i have left.so much for blood being thicker than water! i have mental health issues i was going to step in front of an oncoming car not even 2 weeks after it happened do they think i am just a mental case or something? now more than ever i need my friends on here the only place i feel that it is safe for me to express my feelings.it seems kind of sad to me that we have to come to a site like this to get comfort and kind words when family should be there to help you through it my family keeps secrets very well especially when the same cousin was a victim of my father's also. i cant believe this i am more alone than ever and it hurts like there is not enough pain in my life as it is.