Its time
I've moved somethings home already and still have more to squeeze into a small room. Thank God, it is working some how. This is my third time moving back home from this relationship so, its not as tuff any more. I dont know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.
So yesterday he asked me what i was doing after work, usualy i come to pay parents for the the weekend, and i said "going to my moms" he said "dont you think you should come here and take some things home?" I got so irritated with this. Like I said this is not my first time moving in and out of his life so what i do is during my lunch break, i go to our apartment and pack up and fill my car. So i have done this already (recently) twice already, so I said "i did, during lunch" then he says "well you can come by tomorrow, Saturday, and pack some more" Its not so much the rush on kicking me out that is pissing me off, it is the fact that he always thinks of himself, doesnt offer to help, I havent had a chance to even do my school work and then has the nerve to say he is just trying to make this move "easy on me"
How on earth is this easy on me? Granted, I am tired of his behavior, attitude, and treatment and I am ready to go BUT everything has always been on his terms. When he says the marriage is over, whe he feels it is fit to end it all and when it is convienant to him. I got a little loud and just said that I have a lot to do but 'dont worry, I will be out of your way in no time"
The thing that sucks is that I have NO desire to do anything for me...I am not depressed, Thank God, but i just feel so lazy or maybe lazy isnt the word, but I feel like i have no desire in me. I know what i want, i can see and think of all the things I want to do but actualy doing them, I dont feel like it. I want to work out, dance, dive head in to school work and do great in school, be outside,, fall madly in love with my religion, watch things I want to watch without any judgement, read, work on my art. He killed all those things for me, everything i wanted to do was a waste of time or nonsense. He somehow always worded it where I felt he was right, all these things I want to do is wrong and a waste of time.....NOT ANY MORE but actually getting there to belive it and feel in inside me to want to make the moves on it is not happening. I still feel stuck and affraid to do it.
Im 35....I dont wanna waste any more time........
So yesterday he asked me what i was doing after work, usualy i come to pay parents for the the weekend, and i said "going to my moms" he said "dont you think you should come here and take some things home?" I got so irritated with this. Like I said this is not my first time moving in and out of his life so what i do is during my lunch break, i go to our apartment and pack up and fill my car. So i have done this already (recently) twice already, so I said "i did, during lunch" then he says "well you can come by tomorrow, Saturday, and pack some more" Its not so much the rush on kicking me out that is pissing me off, it is the fact that he always thinks of himself, doesnt offer to help, I havent had a chance to even do my school work and then has the nerve to say he is just trying to make this move "easy on me"
How on earth is this easy on me? Granted, I am tired of his behavior, attitude, and treatment and I am ready to go BUT everything has always been on his terms. When he says the marriage is over, whe he feels it is fit to end it all and when it is convienant to him. I got a little loud and just said that I have a lot to do but 'dont worry, I will be out of your way in no time"
The thing that sucks is that I have NO desire to do anything for me...I am not depressed, Thank God, but i just feel so lazy or maybe lazy isnt the word, but I feel like i have no desire in me. I know what i want, i can see and think of all the things I want to do but actualy doing them, I dont feel like it. I want to work out, dance, dive head in to school work and do great in school, be outside,, fall madly in love with my religion, watch things I want to watch without any judgement, read, work on my art. He killed all those things for me, everything i wanted to do was a waste of time or nonsense. He somehow always worded it where I felt he was right, all these things I want to do is wrong and a waste of time.....NOT ANY MORE but actually getting there to belive it and feel in inside me to want to make the moves on it is not happening. I still feel stuck and affraid to do it.
Im 35....I dont wanna waste any more time........
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