Its Really Getting To Me- Krissy (Myself)

I find myself having too much time on my hands and starting to think too much. I am dwelling in a place of misery most of the time thinking about my childhood or middle school or high school. I am remembering dumb things I used to do when I wasnt so enlightened with what I know now. I have been having these thoughts lately and I am wishing I can just let them go. Why cant I just let these thoughts go?? They happened so long ago and I am no longer that person so why am I having to put myself through the agony of these thoughts?? Then after the thoughts, feelings start to arise. I start to feel bad about myself for the things I have done or the times I didnt stand up for myself and I start to get angry. I start to feel angry towards people sometimes and put up this wall so I wont get hurt again. I always have these thoughts though like I cant get over it. I wonder why or where is it stemming from?? Its really getting to me though. I dont have a job and I feel useless all the time. I dont want employers to see me as a working mule but a tool that they can collect and use. I am searching high and low and combing through the ads and websites like trying to get lice eggs out of a kids hair! To occupy my time I read books to better myself and my thoughts. I feel like thats enough for now since Im not making any money and cant afford Sherry (my therapist)