It’s hard

There are different levels of human consciousness, I know mine differs and so we each notice different things and relate to things differently.

When I have related to things in the past I have gone for the lowest common denominator. Ever the servant among folks even in stores people always mistake me for working there lol So when i go for things i want in life i am very piggy and irresponsible about it. Like a hungry hippo:).

i have to be self sustaining and self responsible but my body draws me into physical pleasures all time if I allow myself to entertain purely what I want.

I'm just very frustrated with myself. It is like I am insatiable but making myself a blank canvas has yielded fruit, finally, see the tripmaster monkey post:)