Its been a while
Its been a while since I have signed on. Just been doing everything I can to find a new normal. 16 months already since my heart was ripped out. I am missing my Marissa so much right now. I have had more bearable days as of lately and I feel like I am coping pretty well on the outside, but I just feel so empty inside. Tonight is one of those nights that the reality that I will feel this way for the rest of my life just smacked me in the face. Marissa's big personality just filled this house with so much life, how do we get use to this?
I have plans to make quilts with her clothing, and when Im thinking about it I start to get upset thinking about taking her clothes off the hangers and out of her drawers, for some reason it feels like I am betraying her somehow. We have been making changes to the house and when I think about moving something into her room I feel the same way.
On a better note, there has been a baby born. Marissa's best friend Maddi(they are like sisters) gave birth to a little girl on April 5th. She named her Marissa Marie after my baby :) She is beautiful. It breaks my heart that she will never be able to get to know my Marissa.
I know in my heart that I will see my precious daughter again and until then I will do everything I can to make her proud and keep her memory alive.
I have plans to make quilts with her clothing, and when Im thinking about it I start to get upset thinking about taking her clothes off the hangers and out of her drawers, for some reason it feels like I am betraying her somehow. We have been making changes to the house and when I think about moving something into her room I feel the same way.
On a better note, there has been a baby born. Marissa's best friend Maddi(they are like sisters) gave birth to a little girl on April 5th. She named her Marissa Marie after my baby :) She is beautiful. It breaks my heart that she will never be able to get to know my Marissa.
I know in my heart that I will see my precious daughter again and until then I will do everything I can to make her proud and keep her memory alive.
Replies
I hear you. This journey is like a ride in a rowboat - in a hurricane.
It sounds like you are doing okay. But any change can send us for a loop. You will do the quilt when the time is right. I still have some of the homemade lotions that Lisa made (she concocted her own spa products); 2 containers - they are stale but I just can\'t part with then. Slowly but surely I am letting go. I have disposed of the soaps etc.
Our lives are forever changed - I can relate to the big personality!
So happy for Marissa\'s friend. It is a bitter sweet time for you though. It just seems so unfair.
Just know you are not alone.
Love and hugs, M
It\'s been six years since my Jacob died. I still keep his wallet on my coffee table. I like looking at it, explaining it to others, keeping him in our home. Some days are easier than others. I find all my losses cantilever upon another, a death, or a material loss. Can\'t bear any of it. Just have to breathe and go on with my life.
This is a difficult journey, we certainly didn\'t vote for this, it\'s just the worst. But. we are going through it together. So sorry for your loss, Abby
You are living life as best as you are able and it\'s a full time job on top of everything else, isn\'t it? The amount of emotional energy that we use on any given day is more than anyone could ever understand unless they are on this path.
You will know when and if you want to do anything with her clothing and belongings. My barometer with these kinds of decisions is always if I feel a lot of dread around it I\'m just not ready yet and that\'s okay.
Oh, to have a child named after your Marissa is such a gift. How I wish she could know your Marissa. These are the moments that just take our breath away and is an ever present reminder of our constant reality, isn\'t it? Deepest of sighs....
Gentle care and know that you are surrounded in lots of loving care and understanding here always.
XO Joanie
I think often about making a quilt,,, I have the pattern,,, but going through those clothes ,,, just not ready and it\'s 6 years..... Morgan\'s room stays as is... my hubby insists and I agree..... love ya!
My cousin made a quilt for me of Alex\'s clothes. It lays across the back of a chair in my bedroom. I flip it periodically to see reminders of different times in his life. It is truly special.
You are not betraying Marissa..but make those changes when YOU feel right about them...there is no timeline.
Love and gentlest hugs...Karen
Yes, just make that quilt whenever YOU are ready. There is absolutely no timetable for this. You are still new to this journey.
My son passed over 6 years ago, and I still have his clothes in the drawers in his room. Ever so often I open the shirt drawer to hold his shirts up to my nose. It may be my imagination, but I feel as if I can still smell his cologne. I\'m not ready to do anything else with those shirts at this time. Maybe one day...
That is so wonderful that Maddi named her newborn daughter after Marissa! Yes it is heartbreaking that she will not get to know her namesake. My daughter named her son after her brother Jared. I love to hear Jared\'s name continuously being said. He is one year old now, and he always points at his Uncle Jared\'s picture and smiles as if he knows him. I wonder if he can actually see his uncle at times.
I know my son Jared is looking out for his nephew and watching over him. And your Marissa is most likely watching over Marissa Marie as well!
Yes I, like you, truly believe we will see our beloved children again. :)
Love and hugs,
Diane