Its been a week...

It has been a week since I last wrote. I really tried to get on here but I was soo busy it didn't happen. I worked all week til Thursday and then I went to out of state with my boyfriend to a car show and didn't get back home til this morning. I just got in and have unpacking and laundry to do still. Then I work the rest of this week, lol going strong though. Work has been good, I am learning so much and trying to do my best. Waking up at 5 every morning is about the only down fall, I get home at like 3 and am in bed by 930 hopefully. I am off today though which I am happy about have to get situated for the week ahead. Vacation was wonderful and well needed. It was so much fun I learned so much about cars and got see all the beautiful hand crafted artwork of it, it was so interesting. I got a little more sleep and just got to enjoy time with my boyfriend and his coworkers and friends. Over the past week I have been level headed and healthy feeling. I let myself be open to fun and not worry so much. I had times of anxiety and doubts but I didn't let it overcome me like I have in the past. I feel like I am in a good place right now. I feel I am opening up to coming to terms with everything that has happened. I am being good and staying straight. Like I said I had moments where it could have went the other way. I was on a major five lane highway in a small car and didn't panic too much. I was scared but I did it. I prayed each time I had to go out on it, I said it aloud and had my boyfriend pray with me. I know God helped me through it, he has helped me through everything! One thing though that I thought about last night at dinner, we were all on our way home and stopped for a bite to eat, my boyfriends boss is one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet but he has a past just like mine. He killed someone too. He was young, 22 I believe and killed a homeless man who used to steal his scrap metal to sell for money and booze, and who killed his dog. One night I guess he and a few other guys found him and got into an altercation with the homeless man where the man pulled a knife on him and he beat the man to death. He got scared and didn't know what to do so he burned the body, he confessed the next day and spent 12 years in prison. He made his amends and did his time but it still happened. Well we were at dinner and one of the ladys asked him about if he was married before his wife now and if he had kids from before like his wife now does and he simply said no, I wasn't married before her. THEN IT HIT ME, SHE DOESN'T KNOW. I thought everyone knew about it. I mean it happened many years ago, hes like 50 now, but still I thought everyone from his town knew. She didn;t and it didn;t matter if she did. It has no power over who he is today, no power over him like I am sure at one time controlled his every thought and movement like it has mine. It just got me thinking. How often is it that you meet someone who has had a past like mine and my boyfriend knows two people who are completely involved in his life. And that not everyone knows your past even if you think that they do. My boyfriends boss doesn't know about my accident but we are connected and I sort of look up to him in a way. You have to be strong to have power over it. I think he still has reminders, but he doesn't let it control him. My boyfriend has said it doesn't change the good things that hes done since, it only makes them better. He said the same to me too. The people we were with don't know about what all I went through, not anyone at work either but they don;t need to know, I am learning that. And if they do know it doesn;t mean that they'll hate me, thats something I know now too. It is just hard to fully forgive but I feel I am really growing and living better now. I feel strong and it doesn;t bother me as much now that I have opened myself up to healing. I no longer bottle it up.