its all bullshit anyway....
im crying..b/c i could never talk about how i feel with him..b/c im anxious about pool..i cant see his mug any more..i wanna play..i have fun with the girls but i really dont wanna see him! but i do wanna see him also..im so torn..wtf is wrong with me? waht is wrong with me that i still feel hurt, that i still want to reach out..that i still want to somehow fix things?? im so embarrassed to even write it...it makes me sad cuz i'm so broke..i'm so broke b/c of him!
i still owe on rent, have to pay the water, am searching for a 2nd job, pushing my oldest boy to get a job b/c i need help to pay for everything..my van ins't insured..i want him to suffer like he made me suffer...i can't help but think about him when i dont have anyting..i have a hundred bucks to last me..like 12 days or something..only have cupboard food and no meat. i have $20 in gas which will barely make it a wk and i'm drowning and its all his fault! it's all his fault cuz he fucken left me and would never talk to me..he will say shit but he wont say it to my face..
ok..i'm glad i wrote...i feel more focused now..i think this will be a wknd of journalling just to get this shit off my chest cuz he will never fix it for me, he never would. i have a few wks before court and i'll get his money then..i'll get his money then..i keep telling myself..that's when it'll get better. i got the garnishment that's gonna rip apart my chq so i'll be even more in debt and its all his fucken fault! dammit! what a piece of shit he is..
i still owe on rent, have to pay the water, am searching for a 2nd job, pushing my oldest boy to get a job b/c i need help to pay for everything..my van ins't insured..i want him to suffer like he made me suffer...i can't help but think about him when i dont have anyting..i have a hundred bucks to last me..like 12 days or something..only have cupboard food and no meat. i have $20 in gas which will barely make it a wk and i'm drowning and its all his fault! it's all his fault cuz he fucken left me and would never talk to me..he will say shit but he wont say it to my face..
ok..i'm glad i wrote...i feel more focused now..i think this will be a wknd of journalling just to get this shit off my chest cuz he will never fix it for me, he never would. i have a few wks before court and i'll get his money then..i'll get his money then..i keep telling myself..that's when it'll get better. i got the garnishment that's gonna rip apart my chq so i'll be even more in debt and its all his fucken fault! dammit! what a piece of shit he is..
Replies
HELLO I AM SORRY ABOUT YOUR FINANCIAL SITUATION, I HOPE THAT YOU WILL BE ABLE TO OVERCOME IT AND ALL WILL BE BETTER, YES IT HELPS TO SHARE AND TO HAVE SUPPORT AND WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT, I READ YOUR POST AND YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE SORRY,BELIEVE ME I WAS TRULY STUPID, I FORGEVE HIM NOT ONCE BUT TWICE, I WANT TO LEAVE HIM BUT HE CONVINCED ME TO STAY, NO HE HAS NEVER CHANGED, BUT I DON\'T CARE, I CHANGED, AND JUST LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE, NOW I USE HIM, IT IS TOO LATE FOR ME I AM DISABLE,AND NEED HELP..WE LIVE LIKE FRIENDS,NOTHING ELSE..YES I WILL ALWAYS REGRET THAT I STAYED, SO WHAT CAN I SAY,BE WISE THIS KIND OF MAN ARE JUST WORTHLESS..LOVE LUCY.
Every time something breaks around the house, I feel like \"thanks a lot Mike\" (my ex) for not helping me. It pisses me off when I have to do home repairs like install light fixtures, paint and fix plumbing problems. I was married. I am supposed to do woman stuff. It is hard, but each time I succeed I feel a little better about myself. Pardon my French, but screw our exes.
hi Lucy..thank you for responding. it always means so much to me when people share. i keep telling myself, it will get better, i will get rhough this, i will be just fine..but there are days when i\'m so tired..i\'m so tired of being strong, of struggling, of being alone, of wishing, wanting..all that stuff.
It\'s never too late! Even being disabled, there is still better out there but i know how you feel, that\'s it seems so hopeless, that it will never get better..the situation you\'re in now seems to you like this is as good as it gets, but is it? The positive side is that at least you are able to live like friends! that\'s a great bonus to still have that support there
all my love xoxo
I know exactly what you mean, about not wanting to see him but kind of at the same time. Its the worst feeling ever. I\'m trying to fight it now. I\'m really sorry about all your troubles, i wish you best of luck! Stay strong!
Hello, G.
I can see ur confused about wanting to see him and not wanting to see him, I know you know it\'s over, but your confused about this. I had a friend explain it to me when I had similar thoughts. Change is very hard on most of us. And when we leave a relationship that we put so much effort into and at one time really cared for this person and now know this person is poison to us, drags us down, makes our life a living hell, even though there might be some good times peppered in there somewhere, mostly it\'s all hell.
So just like anything we lose in life, whether it\'s a death of a loved one or the death of a wonderful pet, a favorite job, anything that aches our heart, even the death of a relationship.
We have to Grieve, realize their never coming back, accepting their never coming back. And no matter how bad that relationship was, you had put a lot into, so of course your going to feel a great loss, and I think when you get confused about wanting to see him, it\'s you wanting the good times back, this will never happen. This relationship for all purposes is dead. So let yoursef grieve this loss without any guilt. You lost a lot, the caring, the effort and work you put into it, and received nothing in return.
There are stages we go through when we lose something dear, denial, anger, grief and then acceptance, this is when you will see the light, and be able to go on with your life. Start seeing the sunshine again, seeing what great gifts you have around you in your life right now.
So you really need to be good to yourself, love yourself, respect yourself and like yourself. And of course ,~ Smile~Smile~Smile~.
Just remember G, you deserve whatever your heart desires!
I\'m sorry about your FINANCIAL SITUATION ;( Let me no if I can help in anyway.
Peace, Prayers, Gentle Hugs & Happiness :)
4Ever&ADay!
thank you all so much for your caring thoughts! you have no idea how helpful they are..when i am down, i come back here and see that you care for me and it helps immensely.
keep responding, good and bad, it always helps to give perspective which is exactly what i seek.
all my love to all of you!
G