It worst at night

During the day lately I've been holding it together for the most part, I think the meds are having an effect. At night and in the morning however I am a basket case. That time when we would snuggle or cuddle and now nothing. My dogs try to make up for it but its just not the same obviously. Back to the therapist in the morning. I don't have a good feeling about this visit. Not sure why, just don't. I feel like she's just placating me so that she can take me out at the knees down the road. Today is the anniversary of her brothers death and I know that's weighing on her heavily. This is the 1st time in 15 years that we're not together on this day. I just want to hold her and let her cry or express whatever emotions she needs to. I love her so much it hurts, literally.