It won't stop

If I stop eating again, will my life be under control? What if I hurt myself or give into the OCD thoughts? What if I allow myself to believe the intrusive thoughts that darken my day? Or what if I just stop existing? Will I then find peace? Will everything then be ok? I feel awful for feeling this way because none of the bad things in my life are happening directly to me. I feel like I don't have the right to be so upset or in pain. But I feel everyone else's pain. When someone I care about so much is hurting, I hurt too. And it won't stop. Will it finally stop if I give in? Give up? Is there a reason for me to hold on or would it just be better if I didn't?