It was only a dream...
Last night, I dreamed that Mike and I were sleeping together. It was just like in the past, before cancer. Skin just inches from mine. I could feel the energy from his body. His warmth, the hair on his legs, his breathing. I felt that comfort that I had, at one time. The settling of my nerves, the relaxing, rhythm of us lying in bed together. I felt his presence next to me.
I could see the way our bodies curled naturally, around each other. Nowhere did we touch. But I could feel him. I could feel the familiarity of just having had sex. The feeling after release, when all is right in the world. When nothing is stressful or important, no deadlines or kids or any burdens, just bliss.
It was so real. And when I woke up, he had been ripped from me again. Another round of grief. I miss my man, my lover, my bed companion, my best friend. I miss the hairs on his legs and the way we just fit together, breathing, energies doing nothing but enjoying the feeling of being together. My heart is broken again. My soul is down. Crying out for more and longing for what I lost.
It's been so long. 2011 was when our sleeping habits changed. So long. I'm used to sleeping alone. I'm used to having the whole bed to myself. I'm used to not having his presence. And for a few moments, it was real. It took me back. It made feel safe and secure. It made me comfortable.
It was only a dream.
I could see the way our bodies curled naturally, around each other. Nowhere did we touch. But I could feel him. I could feel the familiarity of just having had sex. The feeling after release, when all is right in the world. When nothing is stressful or important, no deadlines or kids or any burdens, just bliss.
It was so real. And when I woke up, he had been ripped from me again. Another round of grief. I miss my man, my lover, my bed companion, my best friend. I miss the hairs on his legs and the way we just fit together, breathing, energies doing nothing but enjoying the feeling of being together. My heart is broken again. My soul is down. Crying out for more and longing for what I lost.
It's been so long. 2011 was when our sleeping habits changed. So long. I'm used to sleeping alone. I'm used to having the whole bed to myself. I'm used to not having his presence. And for a few moments, it was real. It took me back. It made feel safe and secure. It made me comfortable.
It was only a dream.
Replies
I am crying reading this. You remind me of what I miss the most. That security of just being. I feel your pain.
My doctor asked me what I miss the most, and I said \"his presence\". Just the fact that he\'s not here, he\'s supposed to be here, with me.
Hugs,
Janie
Mel, Many people who experience loss talk about these vivid type dreams. I had one when my Mother passed and found it very comforting, I was having a very rough time because of the circumstances surrounding her death. I for one believe there is something to them, many people say they tell us they are OK. I never discussed this with a friend of ours and one day, she called to tell me she had a vivid dream about my husband-- he told her he was OK. She was almost afraid to tell me, it wasn\'t too long after he passed but she told me she felt she had to tell me. I was very glad she did. Is it possible your husband wants you to remember him the way he was before he got ill? I hope in some way this dream brings you some peace.