It's time I came back

I havent been on here because i stopped thinking I needed help. I stopped thinking that being in these group and writing my feelings would help. Well I think I was wrong so I'm back! I've been trying to live my life like there's nothing wrong. even through the nights of crying in the shower I feel like as long as i get up in the morning and smile everything will be ok, but its not. I'm miserable. So said that there have been moments where I actually wanna kill myself. but i guess I'm not that miserable yet I'm still here. All i want to do is be happy. I'm in a shelter right now and even though I may not act like it I feel like the lowest of low. I want to have a home. I need to have a home. i miss cooking on my own. doing things like decorating, cooking walking around naked. i need those things.' i wanna cook for my mommy and and sister. I want my lil brother to have a place to stay when he comes to NYC from school. I need my my own. I need my life back.