It's the little things
Happy Monday or should I say, the last Monday and then a week off - yay!! I am so tired this year - always looking for the next day off.
I spent the day on Friday with Hunter. It was so enjoyable and my heart always is @ peace when I'm with him. I picked him up about 11 and we went for a drive to Palm Springs, to show him the re-model and then lunch and then to the movies- Jim was able to make it to the movies which was a nice treat. He had returned from elk Hunting and had found part of an Elk's spine to give to Hunter. Hunter thought it was amazing so of course, that made Jim's day! (sorry if you are not a hunter, I'm not either). Hunter seems good - will be 17 in 3 weeks - yikes - where does time go?
Coming up on Year#4, I am surprised that this whole month of November I have been a little crazy.....my emotions are up and down and the thoughts that just keep coming are relentless @ times. Listening to people @ work, being stressed out about this & that, and boo hooing because their kids are going to be late or this is the last year for their kids to be playing football, or my list is endless about their whiney crap.....losing a child, puts so many things into perspective doesn't it? It is hard living in this world when it appears that everyone else has what I want. Tough to deal with sometimes. Even today, someone said, closer to Thanksgiving and I can't wait and I immediately thought, oh, I can wait.....4 years ago 11/26, Jennifer left this earth.....oh, I can wait..for that reality to hit me once again....oh, I can wait - those memories are still fresh of saying goodbye - oh I can wait........Who really can understand, but my sisters of the heart......I'm grateful.
I'm working on being grateful this year - listing things that I'm grateful for while Jennifer was here on this earth. It helps....grateful for what I had, just sorry I didn't appreciate it more......
Well, already @ 10:00 AM have kids here, telling me "I'm dying"......"life is too hard"......."do I have to go back to class?".......I smile, try to fix their problem and send them on their merry way......I'm tired....wish someone could fix my heart because it is truly broken.
Hugs and much love to you - Vicki, Jennifer's mom
Replies
I hear you Vicki, losing a child surely changes your priorities and how you look at others priorities! Hugs and prayers, Lynette
Hi Vicki, I always found it so hard working in a school. Most of my colleagues were women and talked incessantly about their kids, often complaining. I so would wish Ed was here so I could "complain " about him too! With what we have been through we know that these mundane inconveniences are nothing. Sometimes I wanted to scream "shut up!" when my coworkers would see their kids off to college and say how heartbroken they are! They don't know what heartbreak is, thankfully. But I kept my rage inside my thought bubble & said nothing. It's so hard on so many levels!
Glad you and Hunter and Jim had some time together. It sounds like Hunter is doing well in his program. Such positive news!
I will be thinking of and praying for you as you approach Jennifer's angelversary. I found some years are gentler than other years. May her angelversary be gentle on your heart.
Love to you and dearest Jennifer, Linda
I am so glad you had quality time with Hunter. I did smile about the elk spine. My dad and brother were hunters (I abhor guns) and I was used to seeing moose and deer carcasses. I grew up in the country. I am Canadian but we do have hunters who own guns.
I am glad Hunter was pleased with his present!
This grieving business is exhausting. Remember to take care of yourself.
Wishing you love and strength as we head in to the holiday season.
Tight hugs, Marlene
I was hoping that your time with Hunter was what you both needed it to BE and it feels as if it was.
Hearing others speak of what they have in their lives can feel painful, I know. I will never, ever forget sitting watching my sister dance with her son at his wedding and the sharpest shard of a heart trigger logged into me. I could hardly breathe and tried with all my might to keep breathing and watching them knowing that this would NEVER be me with my son. Everyone else around me was smiling from ear to ear as I would suspect they would and inside I was a red, hot mess. These are these moments we share as sisters of the heart because no one else could ever possibly understand. I find myself doing what you do and removing myself from ear shot when possible or closing a door. I understand it's not always possible and sometimes we do have to just remain in the midst and then remember to come here to process it. Deepest of sighs...
May we each hold one another during this time of year and every day in-between for that matter.
Hand in hand, Heart to heart with SO much understanding,
XO Joanie
Whiney crap - haha, says it perfectly. Hard to be around that everyday, I'm sure - if only people outside could look in they would see something so different from the charade we show. Glad you enjoyed the time with Hunter - sounds like he had a blast, too! Take care ~ Joanna x
I love that you and Hunter are close, it is very important. My grandson lives with his other Grandmother in NY I do not get to see him at all. I did talk on the phone he is growing up being 8 he is having so much fun. I am greatful for that. Mikes angelversery is 12/20 so this is the start of my sad season. We used to cook together for Thanksgiving and Christmas that was our time. Will Hunter be with you and Jim for the holidays? Oh and that elk story was funny not everyone gets it but hubby was a hunter he brought home deer and wild hog ( elk refused to give up the cold of the northern states LOL ) Sending you tight hugs
Penny