It's my Friday
Hello Sisters of my Heart - It has been a very emotional & stressful 2 weeks but I'm able to write about it now and catch you up on what's going on.
About 2 weeks ago, Hunter ran off at 2 AM because of an argument with Pete & Sue (extended family) he was living with. Sue has been increasingly becoming more and more frustrated with Hunter - expecting things from him that she doesn't expect from her own kids, etc. She has never listened to me and has been in this with Hunter, unfortunately for herself and the kudos she thought she would get. I have been able to talk with Hunter about things and I was willing to "let some of it go" as long as Hunter was doing well. Well - Hunter stayed gone through the night, however showed up for school on time - well Sue called me @ work and said, "we are done, Hunter can't live here" and we have called CPS....Are you F*7%ing kidding me? She didn't even have the decency to talk to me about it prior to her phone call and I was so upset - I left work -.........Hunter showed up @ their house about 6 that evening to find his things had been packed and I had made arrangements for him to go to Brynn's (close friend of Jennifer's who wants Hunter to live with them) - Brynn was my second choice when Hunter came back down here but I really felt that Pete & Sue were "like family" to Hunter and I felt that, that was important. BIG MISTAKE!!!!!
A side note - I left work not knowing where Hunter was - I sat at home, fretting & praying @ the same time and I texted Sue and asked " did Hunter show up @ school?" - I was told - "oh yeah, forgot to tell you".....How do you spell B...CH.......Ok, so I could breathe for a few hours knowing he was safe. I contacted Brynn (she is a high school special ed teacher) and she said after having Hunter 2 week-ends ago, she really felt like she wanted Hunter to move in with she & her husband and 3 kids. Her husband was raised in group homes and absolutely wanted Hunter with them and not go in that situation. So when I texted her - she said absolutely yes and she would immediately check into legal guardianship and or adoption. As the grandmother I told Sue, Hunter will go to Brynn's and we'll work out details.
Sue said - I don't think that's a good place for him - I want him to go to a group home. I really felt like she wasn't about to have someone else have Hunter if she couldn't do it, because it is all about her right? I told her that Brynn was my 2nd choice for HUnter since Jennifer has been close friends with her for about 10 years. Sue said, oh okay........because she has the legal caregiver affidavit signed by Patrick (Hunter's dad), she does have some weight, but I am the closest relative......Needless to say, I am angry, hurt, and yet happy because I have peace where Hunter is now for numerous reasons.
A few reasons, Brynn is good for Hunter: She is not in it for herself - she is mad at herself because she wanted Hunter when Jennifer was sick but Jennifer was afraid to have Hunter in the same town, thinking it would be too hard for her....so he went to Clovis. Brynn knows Hunter is a handful (always has been) but still wants this amazing kid......She has a special needs daughter, a 3 year old daughter and a 13 year old son. They have a busy house but Hunter fits right in and told me this week-end he likes the busyness and also likes the idea he is a "big brother" and has responsibilities and Brynn has said you are family - Brynn is well equipped educationally to get Hunter what he needs to be successful; Brynn knew his mom and they have already had talks and will continue to do so. Brynn has bought him a plane ticket to be able to go with them this summer to New York for a family vacation. She said, he's family - it wouldn't be good to leave him here - I want him to feel he is with us. SIGH
Hunter is finishing school (last day 6/8) - Hunter says he is happy and not mad at Pete & Sue for they did what they think is right.......URGH....happy that he is not mad but I can't help wonder if he is just good at compartmentalizing and just doesn't want to deal. My husband says, leave it alone...don't make a problem.
I feel so much guilt, and sadness with my decision to have him with Pete & Sue....There will be a visit by a social worker to Brynn's house to follow up with the report Pete & Sue filed but we don't anticipate a problem as Brynn has already been in contact with the social worker. I have mailed forms to Patrick regarding this change and awaiting their return with his signature until other paperwork can be filed.
Please keep Hunter in your prayers and next Wednesday afternoon......praying that visit is just a formality and all will be ok. I deal with CPS and sometimes they make no sense @ all but I'm believing Hunter will have favor and God's hand is in this.
Most of all, sisters, I'm so afraid of judgement from others - I'm not able to have Hunter myself for reasons that would not be good for Hunter so I'm trying to get the best thing for him and I have such peace about this - but my heart is heavy....I miss Jennifer....He needs his mom ......I said that to Brynn and she said, I miss her too.....
Tomorrow Jim & I are going to Arizona for the long week-end - put the boat in the water - try to relax and breathe.......Take good care my friends. (((((hugs)))) Vicki
About 2 weeks ago, Hunter ran off at 2 AM because of an argument with Pete & Sue (extended family) he was living with. Sue has been increasingly becoming more and more frustrated with Hunter - expecting things from him that she doesn't expect from her own kids, etc. She has never listened to me and has been in this with Hunter, unfortunately for herself and the kudos she thought she would get. I have been able to talk with Hunter about things and I was willing to "let some of it go" as long as Hunter was doing well. Well - Hunter stayed gone through the night, however showed up for school on time - well Sue called me @ work and said, "we are done, Hunter can't live here" and we have called CPS....Are you F*7%ing kidding me? She didn't even have the decency to talk to me about it prior to her phone call and I was so upset - I left work -.........Hunter showed up @ their house about 6 that evening to find his things had been packed and I had made arrangements for him to go to Brynn's (close friend of Jennifer's who wants Hunter to live with them) - Brynn was my second choice when Hunter came back down here but I really felt that Pete & Sue were "like family" to Hunter and I felt that, that was important. BIG MISTAKE!!!!!
A side note - I left work not knowing where Hunter was - I sat at home, fretting & praying @ the same time and I texted Sue and asked " did Hunter show up @ school?" - I was told - "oh yeah, forgot to tell you".....How do you spell B...CH.......Ok, so I could breathe for a few hours knowing he was safe. I contacted Brynn (she is a high school special ed teacher) and she said after having Hunter 2 week-ends ago, she really felt like she wanted Hunter to move in with she & her husband and 3 kids. Her husband was raised in group homes and absolutely wanted Hunter with them and not go in that situation. So when I texted her - she said absolutely yes and she would immediately check into legal guardianship and or adoption. As the grandmother I told Sue, Hunter will go to Brynn's and we'll work out details.
Sue said - I don't think that's a good place for him - I want him to go to a group home. I really felt like she wasn't about to have someone else have Hunter if she couldn't do it, because it is all about her right? I told her that Brynn was my 2nd choice for HUnter since Jennifer has been close friends with her for about 10 years. Sue said, oh okay........because she has the legal caregiver affidavit signed by Patrick (Hunter's dad), she does have some weight, but I am the closest relative......Needless to say, I am angry, hurt, and yet happy because I have peace where Hunter is now for numerous reasons.
A few reasons, Brynn is good for Hunter: She is not in it for herself - she is mad at herself because she wanted Hunter when Jennifer was sick but Jennifer was afraid to have Hunter in the same town, thinking it would be too hard for her....so he went to Clovis. Brynn knows Hunter is a handful (always has been) but still wants this amazing kid......She has a special needs daughter, a 3 year old daughter and a 13 year old son. They have a busy house but Hunter fits right in and told me this week-end he likes the busyness and also likes the idea he is a "big brother" and has responsibilities and Brynn has said you are family - Brynn is well equipped educationally to get Hunter what he needs to be successful; Brynn knew his mom and they have already had talks and will continue to do so. Brynn has bought him a plane ticket to be able to go with them this summer to New York for a family vacation. She said, he's family - it wouldn't be good to leave him here - I want him to feel he is with us. SIGH
Hunter is finishing school (last day 6/8) - Hunter says he is happy and not mad at Pete & Sue for they did what they think is right.......URGH....happy that he is not mad but I can't help wonder if he is just good at compartmentalizing and just doesn't want to deal. My husband says, leave it alone...don't make a problem.
I feel so much guilt, and sadness with my decision to have him with Pete & Sue....There will be a visit by a social worker to Brynn's house to follow up with the report Pete & Sue filed but we don't anticipate a problem as Brynn has already been in contact with the social worker. I have mailed forms to Patrick regarding this change and awaiting their return with his signature until other paperwork can be filed.
Please keep Hunter in your prayers and next Wednesday afternoon......praying that visit is just a formality and all will be ok. I deal with CPS and sometimes they make no sense @ all but I'm believing Hunter will have favor and God's hand is in this.
Most of all, sisters, I'm so afraid of judgement from others - I'm not able to have Hunter myself for reasons that would not be good for Hunter so I'm trying to get the best thing for him and I have such peace about this - but my heart is heavy....I miss Jennifer....He needs his mom ......I said that to Brynn and she said, I miss her too.....
Tomorrow Jim & I are going to Arizona for the long week-end - put the boat in the water - try to relax and breathe.......Take good care my friends. (((((hugs)))) Vicki
Replies
Sometimes there has to be many steps made before a fit is found and it feels as if this is the family that Hunter needs for now. They are in it for Hunter and not for themselves and the knowledge and skills they have are plentiful. I sense they \"get\" him in ways that perhaps Sue and Pete could not and being with them was a stepping stone on his way to Brynn\'s family.
Heart string are indeed \"yanked\" during times such as this and I hope that you will be very gentle with yourself and feel all that you need to, yet know that there is a greater hand in all of this as that is how it feels for me.
Enjoy your time to exhale in Arizona and always keeping Hunter and you in my heart and in my prayers.
Hand in hand, Heart to heart dear Vicki,
XO Joanie
Dearest Vicky, you are carrying your own pain and Hunter\'s pain all this time! I\'m so grateful that Hunter is truly happy at last!! Yes, finally you can also have some peace in your own life, some well deserved peace! Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!!
Beautiful hugs!! xxx
Oh my dear. I am so sorry you and Hunter have had to go through everything. Please don\'t feel guilty. You thought you were doing things in Hunter\'s best interest. It is not your fault that it didn\'t work out. It sounds like he is in a great place now. Not only does Brynn understand him, but she knew his mom and I think that is a bonus!
And... you can be the Grandma!! It sounds like you have a great relationship with Hunter so he has you to talk to when he needs to. You can have fun with him without having to be the disciplinarian!
Enjoy the long weekend.
Hugs, M
Hi Vicki,
Things will surely be looking up for Hunter now that he\'s at Brynn\'s. Sounds like it will be a great place for him there! Glad you don\'t have to worry about his whereabouts any more.
Enjoy the weekend & don\'t feel guilty about ANYTHING. You have continually gone above & beyond what most grandmothers are required to do!
I\'m hoping that Hunter & you have a fun summer break!
Love to Jennifer & her Mom from Charlie & his Mom
Being a teenager is so very hard and Hunter is lucky to have your support. I truly wish you all some peace in this journey. Brynn sounds like the kind of person Hunter needs in his life. Having you to be his grandma will continue to be his rock as he goes about becoming a man. Good Job for the love!!! Hugs, Kathy
It sounds like Hunter is exactly where he should be. I am a grandmother too, so I understand wanting to take him yourself, but knowing it is too much for you, at this time in your life.
I think Jennifer is pleased that you are doing all you can, to get him to live with her friend. Just curious, why Patrick doesn\'t take him. I hope he agrees and signs the papers for Hunter to go to Brynn.
((((HUGS)))), Julia
What a scary time, not knowing where Hunter is. Glad he was safe. I\'m really sorry you and he have had to go through all this. But hopeful He is now with a family who will nurturer him and encourage his growing self image.
hope you have a relaxing time in Arizona and feel renewed.
Hugs, Debbie
I believe kids can deal with a lot more then we give them credit for. This new move sounds upward for Hunter. Someplace he can feel he is part of and with you in the background he will manage fine. I know the fear of running away my daughter did that to me. So Hunter is a place he does not feel out of place at is very important during the teen years.
Breath deeply in Arizona
tight hugs
Penny
Oh Vicki, my heart hurts for the weight you are carrying in your heart. Please know, you HAVE TO know, that you should stand proudly, with your head held high knowing in your heart and soul that you are making decisions based on what is best for Hunter!
Yes, I can guarantee you that there will be those that judge. There always will. Do you need their approval? NO. Often times I find that those that judge are those that need to find fault in others so that they don\'t have to look at their own lives too closely. So much easier to sit in judgement when it\'s not on them. Let them go. I\'m wondering if the real issue is you forgiving YOU? You don\'t need their approval or support. You need to have a good long talk with yourself and remind yourself what you\'ve been through, that you are only human and doing a damn good job!
Hunter is so lucky to have you and Brynn.
From your assessment it sounds like Sue is quite shallow and exactly what Hunter doesn\'t need.
You have done so much for Hunter, and I\'m sure you will continue to. That\'s what we do isn\'t it? With a broken heart and no energy, we do what needs to be done.
Find time to breathe in Arizona and when you get home. Hunter needs you, no matter what his address is, he needs to know you got his back!
(((hugs))) Merrilee
Just praying. Teens are hard to handle... hard on themselves and hard on others. I am so glad it sounds like Brynn\'s will be a good fit. Having been through so much perhaps Brynn will be able to relate to Hunter where others might do as well. Hugs to All. Elissa
Oh Vicki, I pray that all will turn out well. It sounds like Brynn\'s home is the ideal place for him right now.
You have been going through so much turmoil. I hope that this well needed and deserved weekend in Arizona brought you peace and relaxation.
Love and peace,
Diane
Vicki, I hope things are going well with the transition to Brynn\'s home. These are not easy decisions and it\'s so easy to second-guess after the fact. To an outsider, you seem really thoughtful and making the best decisions you can with the information you have. Wishing you and Hunter the best through difficult teenage years without your daughter and his mom -- so tough for both of you. Hugs, Laura