it's late
It's late. I'm tired from a long day at work and two back to back union meetings. And I realized I walked into the house and immediately started taking care of my son who wasn't feeling well. (He's 16). Did he eat? What could I fix him. I didn't demand anyone give me a half hour to decompress. I didn't have a fit because the dishwasher hadn't been emptied. I didn't claim as I unloaded it that I am the only one who ever does this. I checked my son's temperature, made him soup, changed my clothes, listened to my son's day, called my mom, texted my brother, and worried about the bombshell my husband is going to drop on my daughter who is away at college. "Hey honey. Dad's going to desert you right before xmas to forever taint your memories." Then he'll drive off into the sunset and go to his lover while I pick up more pieces of his destruction. Do I sound bitter? I do. But I have never been a bitter person. I have never been a negative person. I have never been an unkind person. That is not to say I don't have faults. I don't always clear clutter. I have been known to leave a pan in the sink until morning to wash it. I have been known to leave laundry to fold. I have allergies so I blow my nose a lot (an ugly habit.) Sometimes I snore. Sometimes I sweat at night because I am nearing menopause. The things I cook don't always turn out to perfection. I occasionally obsess when I am worried. I'm sure there are more faults.
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I don\'t think you sound bitter. Personally I would look at this as counting your blessings. All the things you didn\'t demand sound like that was your ex and you are realizing how much different your life is and perhaps better without him. There are trade offs in divorce but I think you are acknowledging how much control you now have over your life and the peacefulness of your home.
I have a lot of faults too. The sink piles up with dishes and the dishwasher is full of clean dishes. The house needs to be straightened but I\'ve been outside with farm work for the last 4 hours. I haven\'t had breakfast and lunch is doubtful. We all have faults and I tend to obsess too.
You are human, just like the rest of us. Mommies are not supposed to sit back and relax. I am the same, always go, go, go. We tend to overextend ourselves to the point that we do not even realize how tired we are. As for him, sit back and watch it all explode in his face. Just be there for your children, they will appreciate that. Hugs