It's coming back

It scares me. The fact that all of those feeling I used to have when I turned to cutting are coming back. I don't want to go back to that place and I thought I had been moving on but yesterday I almost caved, I almost cut again. I returned to Toronto and I was really happy at first, I continued losing weight and everything but I feel empty. More than the usual. Even if I go out with people, which compared to last year is a huge improvement, I still feel empty and lonely.
I thought I was moving forward, but it's like I've taken a hundred steps backwards. I don't want to go back I just can't seem to control it. I want it to stop. I want to be able to control it. I don't know how. I don't want to do something I might regret. I just wish I knew what to do.