It's Coming!

Oh man, can't believe her 1 year Angelversary is right around the corner. I think I am getting very anxious about it. Besides my weight, it is literally all I think about. I don't know why. I don't know what I think is gonna happen. Lord knows, i don't wanna cry anymore. But I still do at least once a day. Tim and I are trying to make plans to get out of town that weekend and hopefully it will go by with ease. I notice I have been trying to get away from everything that reminds me of her, I wanna move out of the apartment we live in so bad. It is so small and all her furniture is still in the spare bedroom, all shoved up against the wall with sheets draped over it all. Man, how can life be so cruel!! I have been thinking about looking for a different job too. I guess I feel that if I change everything, this hurt will go away when in reality I know it will probably always be here.
In regards to my weight I have joined a weight loss challenge at the Nutritional place here in town. Its a 12 week challenge and the winner gets $550.00. Omg, could you imagine. I am excited but scared because I wanna win so bad but on the other hand I wanna get pregnant again so bad. Oh my goodness, as you can see I just can't win. My mind is constantly spinning between the 2.
I have lost 15.8 lbs since Jan 1st and I need to keep going. I am a total fast food junkie and it's so hard. I need to put a big $550 and a pregnant pic all over maybe that will motivate me.
Well wish me luck, weigh in for week 2 is Wed April 24th!!!!    

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

It was my daughters 1st birthday on Saturday and her angel date in july i cry almost everyday for my babies but on Saturday when i expected to be a crying wreck i didn\'t cry one tear on sunday i felt very flat and today im crying. I hope her angelversary goes easy on u she was a beautiful baby girl. love n hugs Sian xxx
Livingjuicy
Livingjuicy

Often the days leading up can be even harder than the actual day... It is different for each of us yet it\'s a time that no mother should ever have to be thinking about much less navigating. I hope it will unfold as gently as possible.

My heart is with you and I wish you the best with your shedding of those unwanted pounds and understand wanting a fresh start. Listen to your heart for guidance and you will know the timing of things.

Heartfelt hugs and so much understanding.
XO Joanie
barbarak23
barbarak23

I agree with Joanie, the days leading up to the anniversaries are so much worse than the actual day. I\'m usually a mess for 2 weeks before, and then the day of, I just handle it. Good luck with your weight loss goal! I have been in your shoes with that one too! And, my son that I still have is a body builder! UGH!! He is always on my case about it. But, I did lose 90 pounds and have 20 to go! You can do it!! Big hugs to you! Barbara
dougadoug
dougadoug

I find the anticipation is usually worse than the actual day - maybe because I am wiped out by then? It is a difficult journey, just know you are not alone. Sue xo
Aparoulek
Aparoulek

I think we can become obsessed with the anniversary dates but, as others have said, once the day actually comes it isn\'t as bad as we anticipated. I found, though, that it was much worse for me if I didn\'t acknowledge the day and honor Greg with a special ceremony or quiet meditation or something meaningful on that day. I tried to run away from his birthday one year and it was absolutely terrible. Now, I decide what I am going to do to mark his Angel day and birthday a little bit ahead of the actual date and I make sure I do it. It has brought me great comfort and healing to take part in remembering and honoring Greg on his special days. I totally understand the difficulty you are having. I just suggest that maybe you even just find a poem or reading that means something to you and read it out loud on her Angel Day....I know we all need to do this our own way...I just know the pain I experienced when I tried to run away instead of moving toward Greg.....I am with you on this journey and hope you find some peace and comfort today and in the days to come. Love, Anne
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am so sorry for your loss. What a sweet beautiful Angel is she. On 04/21/2013 it was Olivias 1st Angel Day. I agree w/everyone in regard to the wks/days leading up to it are the worst. I cried daily...had the worst panic attacks. When the day came I was w/friends and family and it did keep my mind busy. We let balloons off. Now on Sun..the day after....I felt a ton of emotional bricks hit me. Not sure why. Take it day by day my friend and just know we are ALL hear to support you. We ALL have walked in your shoes re the days leading up to the 1st Angel Day and we ALL know what you are going thru and I give you the tightest hug EVER rt now!!!! Best of luck w/your weight loss...you can do it..we are ALL rooting for you!!!! much love to you and your family...xoxo
MomofJosh
MomofJosh

You know, YOU CAN DO THIS!!! I don\'t know where my inner words come from but I just have so much faith. Look what you have lost so far.

My sincerest sympathy for the angelversary coming soon. These days make my heart drop with each mom on here.

Much love,
Leda